SWINTON and wrestler John Cena may not have shared any screen time in Judd Apatow’s Trainwreck, but dammit, the Oscar winner/etheral moon creature/Queen of all was in the same movie as this guy:
and that’s really all I want out of the universe. But SWINTON and Cena aren’t the only off-the-wall-bonkers, seemingly incongruous pair to somehow share a movie credit. I present to you:
Fred Astaire and OJ Simpson, The Towering Inferno
It’s weird enough that Hollywood legend Fred Astaire, now having soft-shoed a bit over the hill, was in the same movie as OJ Simpson, who at that point was just starting out his acting career. (He wouldn’t be in The Naked Gun for another 14 years.) But Simpson and Astaire actually shared screentime in The Towering Inferno, with Simpson’s security guard character giving Astaire’s grieving con man a cat near the end of the film. It is decidedly surreal.
Vanessa Williams and Christopher Lee, The Odyssey
In addition to Williams (the nymph Calypso) and Lee (the blind prophet Tiresias), NBC’s late-’90s Greek mythology miniseries featured Armand Assante, Bernadette Peters, Isabella Rossellini, and Eric Roberts. It is a gift among movies.
Mae West and Regis Philbin, Sextette
Mae West’s final movie, Sextette, which really should have been on my list of awful final films, featured Regis Philbin playing himself, and if that doesn’t make you want to watch it, I don’t even know.
Shaquille O’Neal and John Hawkes, Steel
Character actor John Hawkes had a lot of bit roles in movies (and on Buffy!) before he finally hit it big in 2010’s Winter’s Bone, but only one of those movies starred Shaq.
Paris Hilton and Helen Mirren, Raising Helen
The world’s least and most classy women were in the same film, and the world didn’t explode.
Evel Knievel and Gene Kelly, Viva Knievel!
Viva Knievel!’s IMDB (unofficial) synopsis is one of the greatest things I’ve ever read: “Motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel is offered a fortune to perform in Mexico. What Evel doesn’t know is that they’re planning to kill him and use his body to ship cocaine into the U.S. His chief mechanic, who is an alcoholic, is weary of the whole thing and discovers something, but before he can tell Evel he is sent to a rehab clinic for drug addicts, which Evel doesn’t believe he is. He goes to see him who tells Evel what he found out but is still in the dark as what is happening.” Yes, Gene Kelly plays the alcoholic mechanic. This was He of the Great Thighs’ second to last feature film; three years later he would redeem himself with Xanadu.
Justin Bieber and Laurence Fishburne, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Laurence Fishburne may have to act alongside a killer cannibal on Hannibal, but at least King Douchebag isn’t present, as he was in two episodes of CSI. “Look, Ma! I’m respectable!”
Orson Welles and Erik Estrada, Where Is Parsifal?
Orson Welles never made any bad film choices. Ever. In his life.
Marlon Brando and Charlie Sheen, Free Money
Ditto Marlon Brando.
Jeremy Irons and Marlon Wayans, Dungeons & Dragons
I don’t know why Jeremy Irons agreed to be in Dungeons & Dragons, but boy, am I glad he did. I can barely even remember what Wayans did in that movie, so focused was I on Irons’ Olympic-level scenery chewing.
Do yourself a favor and watch it.