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You're Just Pathetic, Don

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | December 9, 2020 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | December 9, 2020 |


I know he’s made the last four years miserable for not just the country and for the untold atrocities he’s committed, but every day since the election, it feels like the Emperor has removed one more item of clothing, and now Donald Trump is just standing there, naked and meek, his stomach perched over his crotch and his comb-over hanging down his back.

He’s like one of those street-corner preachers in Times Square that everyone ignores, except the occasional trollish teenager who pretends to be interested for a few minutes in order to elicit a laugh from his friends.

You know that scene in Jerry Maguire after Jerry’s been fired, and he’s holding onto his goldfish and ranting about starting a new company, and yelling, “Who’s with me?! Who’s with me?!” Only in Trump’s case, not even Renee Zellwegger wants anything to do with him. Nobody’s with you, Don. Nobody likes you, Don.

Why are Republicans so afraid of him? He’s just a sad man in a bathrobe peeing in jars and yelling at cable news.

He bleats and whines and pouts. He’s a small, petty man of limited intelligence screaming, with futility, into the void, pleading to no one in particular as the world moves on without him.

You’re nothing anymore, Don. Just another pile of sh*t America has to wipe off its shoe.

42 more days, Don. And I know there’s this illusion that you’ll continue to be a “kingmaker,” and that you’ll control the Republican party, and that you might run again in 2024, but dude: We’ve seen you naked, metaphorically speaking. You’re Darth Vader after he’s had the mask removed. Just a puny little man, a useful idiot for Mitch McConnell and Vladimir Putin, tossed away and disposed of now that you’re no longer of any use to them.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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