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This Is The Worst ... You Know What? Don’t Click. It’s Too Painful

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 18, 2017 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 18, 2017 |

I told you! Why don’t you listen, people! When I say don’t click, I mean don’t click!

I know you’ve come this far, but seriously, do not click on this political ad below. This is your last chance. No, I am not fucking kidding. I don’t care if the ad is for a Democrat. Dan Helmer is running against Barbara Comstock, a fairly vulnerable Republican in Virginia’s 10th district. But this? I would strongly consider abstaining from voting if the race came down to Helmer vs. Comstock.

Who thought this would work?

Again, I repeat: Do not click. I promise you that you will regret it.

You didn’t listen, did you? How far did you make it? Did you make it to the BA DUP! BA DUP! I’m so, so sorry. I take full responsibility for the suffering you experienced, EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU NOT TO CLICK. That ad is like a terrible porn movie without the porn.

To make up for it, at least to our sistren and brethren in Virginia’s 7th district, I encourage you all to check out Abigail Spanberger. I don’t know a lot about her personally, but a reader, Billy R. reached out a few weeks ago and spoke incredibly highly of her on a personal level. From what Billy says, she sounds amazing, and should she win the nomination, will face off against the vile Dave Brat, who — with the help of Steve Bannon — outflanked the somewhat moderate Republican Eric Cantor on the right in 2014 and took the district. Anyway, if you live in the area, look her up. A Pajiban vouches for her, which is good enough for me. Plus, I can almost guarantee that her political ads will never be as awful as Dan Helmer’s. *Shudder.*

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.