As the Shutdown Enters Its 21st Day ... Wait, What the Hell is Wrong with Ted Cruz's Face?

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | January 11, 2019 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | January 11, 2019 |

Today, the government shutdown enters its 21st day, tied for the longest shutdown in American history. Those effects are beginning to be felt in a number of places. It’s affecting house sales, because government-backed mortgages are not available; parks are full of trash because there’s no one there to clean up; air traffic controllers, who are not getting paychecks, are calling in sick, stretching resources thin; some government employees are quitting; some are working second jobs; food inspection has been suspended; and ironically, the already backlogged immigration courts are closed, among many other things. An extended shutdown could have devastating effects on the economy.

Meanwhile, Trump is not only considering declaring a national emergency, but he’s also thinking about diverting disaster aid from Puerto Rico, California, Florida, and Texas, and using that money to the build the wall. That dumbass is hellbent on building a pointless wall, and he’s holding the country hostage. Yesterday, he traveled to the border in Texas for no reason whatsoever. He did say that “obviously” he never said Mexico would pay for the wall directly, and there’s no reason to even fact check that because the lie is so obvio …. wait, is that Ted Cruz at the border with Trump? WHAT IS THAT THING ON HIS FACE? Did he put a literal silver fox on his face after it was run over by an 18-wheeler? Is he breeding seed ticks? On his face?

What the f*ck is that?

Ted Cruz looks like if Wolverine never healed after getting beaten up pic.twitter.com/FMjijw8hVN

— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 11, 2019

ted cruz looks like he’d fall out of a hot air balloon in a Jules Verne novel pic.twitter.com/kvpLXiS9MO

— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) January 11, 2019

Fox News is not playing around with its criticism of Ted Cruz’s beard. pic.twitter.com/FoiP7Oi8G4

— Andrew Blake (@apblake) January 11, 2019

Ted Cruz is trying way too hard to look rugged with the Wolverine facial hair and the Brokeback Mountain jacket. This is exactly what an alien would do if it had to pretend to be a human Texas Senator. pic.twitter.com/H4MTvK6TGT

— Adam Best (@adamcbest) January 10, 2019

Already dreading Ted Cruz live streaming his next skin fitting https://t.co/YZ7umYVA55

— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) January 10, 2019

Ted Cruz looks like for some reason he went with “Maine Lobsterman” as his witness protection cover story pic.twitter.com/GEugnv9VFx

— EL GLIKO (@ElGliko) January 11, 2019

Ted Cruz looks like he stole the beard off an elderly Sabertooth pic.twitter.com/kO02NP8bto

— Drunky New Year's Duck (@druuuck) January 10, 2019

I had not actually seen the beard when Ted Cruz tweeted this a couple of days ago, and having actually seen that thing on his face this tweet moves from gross, shameless, and delusional to outright farcical.

Pretty cool: A good friend is studying in Yeshiva in Israel. His rabbi told him he liked my beard, elaborating “It gives Cruz a Talmudic & Rabbinic look & presence that will put the fear of the Lord into Israel’s enemies & promote Middle East peace.” Wow. Perhaps a bit much….

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) January 9, 2019

If peace in the Middle East is dependent upon that beard, the Middle East is f**ked, because that beard looks like mold on a mishappen coconut.