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Trumpdates: Done and Dusted

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | January 20, 2021 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | January 20, 2021 |


9:00 — He leaves on Air Force One with “My Way” playing. And there he goes. Good riddance.

8:46 — At Joint Base Andrews, Trump is met by a fairly small crowd of about 200, according to CNN, whose anchor pronounced it Maw-Guh. I thought it was MAH-Guh?

Melania delivers some platitudes. Trump looks as weirdly relieved as some of the rest of us are. He’s rambling about his accomplishments, like Space Force and tax cuts for the wealthy and Operation Warp Speed. It’s a political rally speech, or an unscripted rehash of the 20-minute speech he gave in his farewell speech. 75 million votes. All-time record, blah blah blah. “China virus.” (Racist to the bitter end). “Great honor, great privilege … I wish the new Administration great luck and great success (“we put it in a position” [to succeed]). “Goodbye. We love you. We will be back in some form.” He thanks Pence, and “certain elements” of Congress.

“Have a good life. We will see you soon,” he says in the end.


“He leaves with the lowest approval rating in the history of polling.” Tapper, who is a delightfully petty bitch this morning!


“He doesn’t have the strength of character to attend the inauguration of the man who beat him.” — Jake Tapper, CNN.

8:30 — Today, Joe Biden will be inaugurated as the 46th President. I want to keep that separate from this, the final edition of Trumpdates. It may be necessary to update this a few times today, but this will be the last Trumpdates I will ever curate. Thank you, Nateman, for the name. Thank you everyone else for reading my political spitballing over the last five years. It’s going to take a few days for this to sink in, I think.

It’s been such a long four to five years that most of us barely remember what it was like before Donald Trump. It’s going to take some adjusting to regain our own sense of normalcy. It’s going to take some adjusting for me and the site, as we transition away from Trump and toward Biden, whose tenure will hopefully never require live updates throughout the day!

As for Trump, as he leaves the White House for the final time and heads to Mar-A-Lago, he pardoned some buddies on his way out the door, including Elliot Broidy — a horrible, horrifying man who impregnated a Playboy Playmate, who had an abortion, and who Broidy paid $1.6 million in exchange for silence (in an agreement arranged by Michael Cohen) — and Steven Bannon, whose awfulness does not need to be repeated. Most of the folks that Trump pardoned were wealthy, corrupt folks who had been convicted of financial crimes. In other words, they were his buddies, and no doubt, there were some implicit (or explicit) financial arrangements associated with those pardons.

Trump did not (or has not yet) granted a pardon to himself or his kids, nor anyone involved with the Capitol insurrection. He’s got a few hours remaining to change his mind, although Trump (rightfully) fears that if he pardons himself, he will be impeached.

Trump also pardoned Lil Wayne and Kodak Black for gun crimes. Neither Julian Assange nor Edward Snowden were granted clemency.

Moreover, word is last night that Donald Trump was considering starting his own political party, the Patriot Party, which would obviously splinter the GOP. Good. Do it. Please.

Here were the President’s final words at the White House. I can’t hear them. I also don’t care.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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