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Trump Administration to Furloughed Employees: Have You Tried Mowing Lawns?

By Mike Redmond | Politics | December 28, 2018 |

By Mike Redmond | Politics | December 28, 2018 |


Thanks to the Trump Shutdown caused by President Donald Trump and President Donald Trump only, federal employees got to start the holidays with a fistful of financial insecurity to the mouth. Since then, the toddler on coke who sits atop our nation’s government has done everything he can to distract from the mess he made thanks to Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh playing him like a fiddle. (The trick is racism. Lots and lots of racism. Who knew?)

But this morning, our benevolent one has taken a well-earned break from lying directly to our armed forces’ faces and outing Navy SEAL covert operations — Merry Christmas, troops! — and has graciously turned his gaze upon the poor and downtrodden. Fear not, frightened lambs, for your shepherd shall guide you to greener pastures.

Wow, goddammit. And in case you think this is a joke, here’s the actual paragraph from the form letter that furloughed employees are being advised to use so they don’t wind up homeless because the president’s base really hates Mexicans.

From Esquire:

As we discussed, I am a Federal employee who has recently been furloughed due to a lack of funding of my agency. Because of this, my income has been severely cut and I am unable to pay the entire cost of my rent, along with my other expenses.

As we had agreed in our conversation, I will be able to make regular payments in the amount of $_______. I realize that I will be responsible to pay the remainder of the payments and, when I return to work, I will contact you immediately to work out a plan to take care of the reduced payments. I will keep in touch with you to keep you informed about my income status and I would like to discuss with you the possibility of trading my services to perform maintenance (e.g. painting, carpentry work) in exchange for partial rent payments.

I feel like Knava should be writing this part, but just so we’re all clear, our current president who lives in a solid gold house is essentially endorsing a return to the feudal system, where unwashed serfs toil at the mercy of their lords. That’s the hero of the working class. Pampered shits on a golden toilet for him, indentured servitude for you. If that doesn’t start the revolution, then I dunno, maybe some more memes will. Keep at it.

In the meantime, here’s a rare move for this butthole of a year: An actual light at the end of the tunnel.

CNN reports (Emphasis mine):

While Democrats publicly talk up their interest in focusing on legislative priorities like health care and voting rights — not to mention ending the ongoing partial government shutdown — they are quietly preparing for what will likely be the largest congressional investigation of a sitting president in recent memory. Party leaders and committee chairs have spent months ironing out potential targets, from President Donald Trump’s taxes and business dealings to the conduct of current and former Cabinet members.

To handle all this investigative work, House Democrats are expected to double the number of their staffers. Though they can’t officially hire anyone until the new Congress is seated, plans are well underway, with House members saying that candidates — especially those with specific investigative skills, from money laundering to contracting — are coming from all directions.

Holy shit, did I just experience hope? Honest to God hope? That can’t be right. Quick, check me for lumps!