There's a Tweet for Everything, Part 3,378

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | July 23, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | July 23, 2018 |

Donald Trump is coming off of arguably the worst week of his Presidency (and my God, the competition for that is intense). He basically revealed what we already knew: That he sold his soul to Putin. The Senate basically told him to fuck off after he entertained the idea of handing American citizens over to Russia; he backtracked and unbacktracked and rebacktracked the rebooted backtrack and gave it a sequel; and a few Republicans actually stomped their feet like children refusing to eat their broccoli (but of course, they still ate it). The problem wasn’t so much that Trump sold his soul, either — that’s not a new revelation — it’s that he looked so pathetic and weak next to the Machiavellian supervillain, Vladimir Putin.

So what’s a President to do when he looks weak? What does any bully do when they look weak? They run their mouths, of course. They swing their dicks, bluster and rant, and threaten nuclear war, just like little Timmy used to do on the playground.

To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 23, 2018

What “demented words of violence” was that a reaction to, anyway? Apparently, a speech that President Hassan Rouhani gave over the weekend.

“Do not play with the lion’s tail or else you will regret it. Peace with Iran would be the mother of all peace and war with Iran would be the mother of all wars.” This was mostly in response to efforts by the United States to prevent Iran from exporting its oil.

Looks like between mother of all peace and mother of all wars, Trump decided to threaten nuclear annihilation to a country with no nuclear capabilities or any chance of obtaining them in the near future.

To me, though? It looks like a weak bully trying to flex his flaccid muscles, like a petulant, entitled customer taking his anger out on the waitstaff.

To Patricia Glennmarket, Day shift manager at IHOP: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR SUBPAR SERVICE AND UNDERCOOKED EGGS

— Andrew (@aRobertsg) July 23, 2018

And if you are wondering? Yes, of course, there’s a tweet for that. There’s a tweet for everything.

Remember what I previously said—Obama will someday attack Iran in order to show how tough he is.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 25, 2013