We’ve been so focused on Kamala, and Mayor Pete, and Elizabeth, and Bernie and Joe’s roaming hands that we have neglected the most important person in the 2020 election: Donald Trump, who is an idiot. Following the Barr Letter — which changed nothing, by the way — Trump was riding an illusory high and thought, “You know what? Let’s cancel Obamacare!” He made a big to-do of it for a few days, the Republicans began squirming because they know it’s a loser, and eventually Trump sort of backed down. Now his position is: The day after he is reelected, and the Republicans take back the House, he’s gonna have a big, new beautiful healthcare plan waiting to be voted on.
That worked out so well the last time, didn’t it? And good luck hanging on to the Senate, much less getting the House back, dummy. Wait? Why are we even talking about that? Trump has to win re-election for any of this to matter, and, well, we’re not exactly dealing with a rocket scientist here.
"Someone's going to leak this whole damn speech to the media," Trump tells NRCC in a speech that is being broadcast live by C-SPAN.— John Fritze (@jfritze) April 3, 2019
And if you’re wondering what Trump said in that NRCC speech …
Trump claiming that the noise from windmill causes cancer.— Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) April 3, 2019
This is just beyond parody at this point.pic.twitter.com/RJ4eWYX9hr
He also took a couple of swipes at Joe Biden in the speech, saying that the socialists in the Democratic party are taking care of the only non-Socialist, Joe Biden, and then he made a joke about Biden’s roaming hands. “I felt like Joe Biden,” Trump joked after expressing a desire to kiss a general who advocated for a swift withdrawal from Syria.
See what he does? Let the false equivalencies begin! Joe Biden is like eighth on my list of Democratic hopefuls, and this son of a bitch makes me want to defend him, and I have no desire to defend him!
It’s gonna be that kind of year, the kind where we all rip our own candidates to pieces while Donald Trump is over here giving ambassadorships to unqualified people because they donated to his inaugural committee, threatens to close the Mexican border costing the economy millions of dollars, and pretends that Puerto Rico is not part of the United States.
Is there anything we can do to prevent this? From attacking Bernie and Biden for being old, out-of-touch white dudes? From attacking Warren for the DNA flap and for being “unlikable” or Mayor Pete for being too inexperienced? Or Kamala for being “a cop,” or Gillibrand for Franken, or Klobuchar for being a meanie, or Cory for being in the pocket of Big Pharma, or Beto for being an entitled white dude who coasts into the campaign like he owns the place? Is that just our default position now? Take a candidate, rip them apart, and throw them back in the ocean?
How about this? Bernie is the reason why the party is what it is now — a better, more progressive party. Biden is probably better positioned than anyone to unf*ck the last four years. Warren has taken Bernie’s ideas and made them better. Kamala is the whole goddamn package. Mayor Pete is probably the most hopeful; Beto the most uniting; don’t sleep on Gillibrand, because she might slip through the cracks and take it all; and Klobuchar did an amazing job in the Kavanaugh hearings, and I’m excited to hear more about her; and Cory, well, he’s dating Rosario. I trust Rosario. I will take any one of these candidates, and I will be excited to vote for them, and not just because the alternative is hell — although, that, too — but because while they all have their problems, they’re all also pretty great, and we don’t need to be helping the President tear them down.
And you’re not helping yourself, Joe.
Can we get Oprah in here, after all?