A Word on Pete Davidson & Dan Crenshaw's Barf Bucket of Unity
Just to bring everyone up to speed, and trust me, there will be a point to rehashing all of this, last week, Pete Davidson gifted the Right with a glorious silver platter of outrage when he cracked a joke on Saturday Night Live about Republican congressional candidate Dan Crenshaw.
“You may be surprised to hear,” Davidson said, “that he’s a candidate for Congress and not a hitman for a porno movie.”
That’s a pretty solid joke. Unfortunately, Davidson flubbed the landing by quipping that he knows Crenshaw “lost his eye in war or whatever.” However, the entire premise of the bit is, “Why the hell would anybody take political advice from Pete Davidson?” Which is a damn good question, and a premise that mocking a veteran’s physical appearance absolutely plays into.
Now, normally, this is the conservative stance on being “offended.”
Something racist happens, “Why does everyone have to be so offended all the time?” A sweeping, systematic culture of sexual harassment is exposed, “What did they think was going to happen? They should have stayed at home and beat their kids.” You get the drift.
Except there’s a sea of smashed Keurigs and charred Nikes out there that prove that Republicans can be some delicate-ass snowflakes with absolutely zero sense of irony. Crenshaw’s reaction to Davidson’s joke is a perfect example of that.
Good rule in life: I try hard not to offend; I try harder not to be offended. That being said, I hope @nbcsnl recognizes that vets don’t deserve to see their wounds used as punchlines for bad jokes.— Dan Crenshaw (@DanCrenshawTX) November 4, 2018
Translation: “Getting offended is for pussies, except when I do it right now, and then it’s okay.” Modern conservatism in a nutshell, amirite?
Crenshaw also went on Fox & Friends (of course) and dropped the most white dude of white dude complaints whenever they brush up against any sort of comedy that mocks Republicans.
“What passes for humor these days is not what used to pass for humor and that’s the big tragedy in all of this,” Crenshaw said. “Why can’t we just be funny again? Why can’t we give the American people a break and separate humor from politics?”
Wow, great question, Dan Crenshaw. Why does a comedy segment that has satirized political events for over 40 years have to be so political? What a tragedy. Crenshaw also milked the SNL incident during his Election Day victory speech by talking about the night his wife found out he was injured. But he’s not offended! He’s a SEAL and SEALs don’t get offended like a bunch of PC crybabies who try to get people fired.
From USA Today:
Speaking with Ivory Hecker of Houston’s FOX 26, Crenshaw said he wanted his supporters to know “SEALs don’t get offended. That’s just not what we do. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t offensive, but let’s stop demanding apologies and firings of people. Let’s just… demand that comedy actually be funny, but let’s be good people.”
Let’s cut the shit. Crenshaw was absolutely offended. And, hey, he had every right to be. Some weird, albino asshole mocked the fact that he wears an eye-patch because an IED blew up in his face. Subjectively, that joke was probably not very funny to Dan Crenshaw, and Dan Crenshaw made his opinion about that known. Which he has every right do. Unfortunately, Crenshaw belongs to a political party that won the White House on a platform of “F**k your feelings.” And as much as Crenshaw bitched about comedy no longer being funny, you’ll never guess who leaped at the chance to be on SNL before the digital ink about his feelings had even dried.
If you’re not in the mood to watch a four-minute “civility” circle jerk, basically Davidson apologized to Crenshaw who then made a surprise appearance full of admittedly great jokes at Davidson’s expense. The two then made a call for “unity” because of Veteran’s Day, or some shit, and the media couldn’t trip over itself fast enough to praise the bi-partisan coming together of… two dudes who wanted to look good on TV for a naked publicity stunt? C’mon.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely understand why Dustin found it to be a nice moment. Everything is on fire right now. F**king literally. Seeing liberals and conservatives getting along is a rare thing, but what did it really accomplish besides SNL polishing its “Both Sides” credentials by making Crenshaw look like one of The Good Ones™?
Which he’s not.
A quick glance at Dan Crenshaw’s Ballotpedia profile shows he is 100% onboard with every Republican stance that has America’s leg caught in a bear trap of death and dumb: Guns, forced birth, BORDER SECURITY, religious freedom (but only as it pertains to making sure Christians don’t have to bake gay cakes), defending free speech on college campuses from “leftist agitators,” and repealing Obamacare.
However, none of those colostomy bags of awful has stopped outlets like the goddamn Washington Post from publishing a glowing profile of Crenshaw on the heels of his SNL appearance that conveniently ignores all of his policy positions, so they can portray as the hip, young face of the modern GOP. Sure, WaPo mentions the one time Crenshaw wrote a Facebook post disagreeing with Trump before he became the Republican candidate for President. As for where he stands on Trump now? It’s a real profile in courage.
“His style is not my style,” Crenshaw says. “I’ll just say that. It’s never how I would conduct myself. But what readers of The Washington Post need to understand is that conservatives can hold multiple ideas in their head at the same time. We can be like, ‘Wow he shouldn’t have tweeted that’ and still support him . . . You can disapprove of what the president says every day, or that day, and still support his broader agenda.”
What broader agenda is that, Lieutenant Dan? Unbridled racism? A descent into fascism? Absolute disregard for the rule of law because it might find out that the president’s campaign colluded with a foreign adversary but who cares because tax cut? Seriously, enlighten me.
Look, I’m not saying comedians should go around mocking war injuries — unless it’s really, really funny. (I would, however, encourage them to ask questions like “Why the hell are American troops still losing their eyes in a country that has jackshit to do with 9/11?”) But it’s the highlight of hypocrisy that a stalwart soldier of the American Right likes to cry wolf about political correctness run amok, and then the second he’s the target of a joke, he goes on a 48-hour media tour until SNL rolls out the red carpet for an on-air blowjob from Pete Davidson that ends in everyone going back to their corners and not changing a goddamn thing.
And, hey, that’s SNL’s right to protect its ratings and ad revenue. I get that. But that doesn’t mean we have to throw a ticker tape parade for a guy who played nice on TV so it’ll be easier for him to keep America locked in a pro-life shooting gallery where only the rich survive.
That’s not a tender moment of unity. That’s propaganda.
Header Image Source: YouTube/SNL
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