New York City: We’re Tryin’ To Elect a Mayor Here!

It seems like everyone in the world is aware of New York City’s Democratic primary race, and frankly, the scrutiny is exhausting. Why did I wake up this morning to someone in the Netherlands asking New Yorkers’ opinions about mayoral candidates on Threads? I assume the Netherlands has its own politicians that the locals should be worried about. Let me drink my iced coffee in peace. And in the dark.

Because not only is it Primary Day here in NYC, it’s also the hottest day of the year. If you’re running the A/C, you probably have most of the lights off, like I do, so you don’t trigger a blackout. Temperatures were already in the 80s when I voted this morning at 7 am, and the heat index is supposed to be up near 101 (again) today. So New Yorkers are hot, sweaty, and anxious. We are not at our best today, and I wish everyone would stop staring at us.

The volunteer at my polling place said that roughly 80 percent of New Yorkers vote as Democrats. So, whoever wins the Democratic primary is considered the de facto Mayor as soon as the winner is announced. Which is fine because does anyone really think Curtis Sliwa has a shot? No. The answer to that is no.

We have a couple of spoilers in it this year, though. The incumbent, Eric Adams, and the sex pest, Andrew Cuomo. Sigh. Adams won the last election primarily due to low voter turnout and confusion over how Ranked Choice Voting works (it was our first time!). For this election, he has changed his affiliation to Independent because he’s too chickenshit to fully commit to being the Republican we all know he is.

And Cuomo is so desperate to take the stink of sexual assault allegations and nursing home COVID deaths off of his name that he’s running as a Democrat, but has said that he’ll also run as an Independent in the general whether or not he wins the primary. He’s got all of his fingers and toes crossed that name recognition and a vague sense of warm fuzzies people might still have leftover from his weekly COVID updates are enough to win him Gracie Mansion.

He might be right. As the City of Big Dreams, we’re awfully afraid of dreaming big for ourselves. A lot of people are willing to overlook questionable morals, ethics, and donors for the sake of perceived “experience.” I guess some folks are calling that pragmatism. Overlooking moral and ethical failings is how we got where we are politically and as a country. So I’m not sure it will serve us well here in NYC. Many of the other Democratic candidates have good and interesting ideas that may or may not work. It would be nice to try some of them and find out if we can do better for the working class and make this city more affordable. Or, we can just keep doing the same things we have been.

The Democratic candidates are a divisive group this year. I’m not going to do a deep dive into why or who you should vote for in this article. Seems like a sure-fire way to get death threats, and it’s too hot to deal with all of that. Ask me again after I’ve had some ice cream and a few hours locked away in my air-conditioned bedroom. But, I will say this. There are definitely five candidates who are better for our city than Cuomo or Eric Adams. Although I will ask that we also avoid Paperboy Love Prince, who decided to represent himself in the official voter guide with full-face clown makeup.

Last week, someone on BlueSky said that the outcome of the NYC Democratic primary will indicate the direction of the entire Democratic party moving forward. I’m not entirely sure that’s true, but I hate that idea. Everyone loves to complain about NYC, but then they put the weight of a whole political party on us like that. People in the rest of the country complain that we make ourselves too important; everything is about us. “There are other cities, you know.” Yes, I do. Please, take this burden and scrutiny from us. Everyone, look over there at Chicago! Nothing to see here. Just a bunch of sweaty people who can’t agree on which borough has the best pizza trying to democratically elect a leader. Now scram, go away.