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The Morning Sh*tshow: Oh, He's Scared Now

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | December 13, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | December 13, 2018 |


Michael Cohen was sentenced to three years in prison yesterday. He’ll begin serving that sentence in March, but before then, the Senate Intelligence Committee would like to have a word with him. “Time and time again,” he said of Trump, “I felt it was my duty to cover up his dirty deeds rather than to listen to my own inner voice and my moral compass.” Ha! Moral compass! Please, motherf**ker. Please.

In the meantime, I think Ice-T said all that needed to be said on the subject:

The big news of the day, however, was not new at all. David Pecker and AMI, the company that owns The National Enquirer admitted, “that its principal purpose in making the payment” to silence Playboy model Karen McDougal “was to suppress the woman’s story so as to prevent it from influencing the election.”

That’s a paddlin’. Also a felony, and one that Trump conspired in.

This is also not new. We knew about this soon after the election. If I’m not mistaken, there were rumors of this before Trump was even inaugurated. We also knew in August that Pecker had flipped on Trump. We knew this was coming. Trump knew this was coming. We also knew about Cohen. It feels like all the old stories are resurfacing, but now that the stories are being recorded, in court, now they suddenly matter.

“I am concerned that the president might be involved in a crime,” Republican Sen. Bill Cassidy of Louisiana said yesterday.

See? Elections matter. Because, by 9 million votes, the American people said in the midterms: We need to put a check on this crooked motherf**ker.

In fact, Trump himself is afraid of being impeached now. From NBC:

Despite President Donald Trump’s public declaration that he isn’t concerned about impeachment, he has told people close to him in recent days that he is alarmed by the prospect, according to multiple sources.

He should be afraid, and the Democrats should hang that threat over his head every single day until the 2020 election. But they shouldn’t impeach him, because Pence will pardon him. They should let him twist in the wind, knowing that the day his Presidency ends in 2021, the feds will be there to arrest his ass. Remember what John Schindler, a former analyst for the NSA and counterintelligence officer, said in February 2017? “Trump will die in jail.” I will accept nothing less.

At any rate, Trump is digging himself deeper in that hole on Twitter this a.m.

Keep tweeting, asshole.

Anyway, there was a flurry of activity last night suggesting that Newt Gingrich — the man who led the impeachment proceedings against Bill Clinton — was not only interviewing Trump to be his Chief of Staff (oh, how rich), but that he was the frontrunner. I dunno about that — Gingrich said this morning that he was just there to look at the Christmas Decorations, so who knows? Really, who cares?

Here’s some local color to go with your impeachment news. If you can stomach it, here’s Donald Trump Jr., thinking he’s telling a funny story about how his dad regifts presents that he gave to him back to Don Jr., but really: It’s just a super sad story about a father who doesn’t give a shit about the presents that his son gives him, and doesn’t bother to put any thought into what he gives his son. No wonder the guy is so screwed up.

Meanwhile, Trump’s wife says that the hardest thing about being First Lady are “the opportunists who are using my name or my family name to advance themselves, from comedians to journalists to performers, book writers.”

So hard. So very hard. Much harder, I assume, than having the media report the affairs and crimes that her husband has engaged in. You know who is probably more excited than anyone about Trump potentially going to prison? Melania. Finally, some damn peace and quiet.