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Morning Briefing: Old Man Yells At Storm Clouds

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 6, 2017 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 6, 2017 |

This is where we are as a nation: 800,000 good people — most of whom have never known anything other than living in the United States — may lose their amnesty status in March and potentially be removed from the country. Or maybe they won’t be. Or maybe they will. Meanwhile, the strongest Atlantic hurricane ever is barreling toward the United States — potentially Florida, potentially the Gulf of Mexico, potentially North Carolina — and a doddering old dodder is dictating our future on Twitter from his White House recliner while watching Fox News.

General John Kelly has “gentrified” the White House, whatever that is supposed to mean, and made it more difficult for Trump’s aides to consult with the President.

That’s good, right? Kind of, I guess. According to several sources, he’s not getting briefings from Breitbart and other right-wing sites anymore. But according to friends of Donald Trump’s longtime bodyguard, Keith Schiller — who is expected to leave the White House in the coming weeks — Kelly doesn’t even like Trump. Kelly only took the position out of obligation to the country. He’s gatekeeping. By deciding what information Trump is privy to, Kelly is effectively running an influence campaign with a man who has the attention span of a gnat. Right now, it feels like no one is speaking to Donald Trump except Fox News, because it literally feels like he’s being guided almost exclusively by what’s on TV. Sean Hannity says DACA is bad, so Trump decides to rescind.

But then Steve Doocy or someone reports that 69 percent of Republicans favor letting Dreamers stay, so Trump waffles.

It’s so crazy right now that a super conservative Republican is asking Dreamers to come live in his state of Ohio!

And then Trump gets mesmerized by a weather map.

The largest Hurricane ever recorded in the Atlantic comes one week after a Hurricane that causes once-every-500-years flooding, and Trump never stops to think, “Huh. Why is the weather suddenly so terrible? Is there a pattern here? Could climate scientists be right? Nah! Mother Nature is just bringing out the big guns for the big President!”

Now, which Fox News pundit told him this lie?

We barely see Trump out in the world anymore; he rarely grants interviews. His press conferences are typically limited to two or three questions during a joint press conference with other world leaders. The majority of his most trusted advisors have been fired, many of them haven’t been replaced. With even his bodyguard abandoning him soon, I feel like Trump has been reduced to taking advice from the voices in his head.

Those voices in his head are idiots and morons.

I wonder how those voices are going to react to a joint resolution being passed in Congress — which Trump will probably be forced to sign — that condemns the white nationalism and violence in Charlottesville? Someone should talk to Trump’s voices about trade policy, because “Mr. Trump’s impulses are strategically incoherent …” and he’s leading us toward disaster.

How do we combat the racism, senility, isolation, and political cynicism of one man who refuses to take advice? I have no idea. Can Fox News bring back Megyn Kelly? Put Shep Smith on Fox & Friends? Steal Rachel Maddow from MSNBC! Help us out here, Rupert Murdoch. The future of mankind rests on your programming.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.