I do not even want to get into all of the batf*ckery going on with finger-pointing, laziness, and sheer heartlessness emanating from the White House during our current national predicament. I want to focus on the fact that the US has a “Council to Re-Open America” made up of unqualified cronies, including a certain someone’s daughter and her slumlord husband.

Not a single economist or public health expert. pic.twitter.com/ehQkQYEifh

— Justin Wolfers (@JustinWolfers) April 13, 2020

This is terrifying on so many levels. Lots of people on Twitter have been posting some alternative to this motley crew of miscreants and I have to say the results are much more comforting.

Personally, I choose Pennywise the Dancing Clown, The Babadook, Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, Samara, Bughuul, and Satan. Alternatively, perhaps we could have Thanos, Doomsday, Ronan the Destroyer, Ares: God of War, Steppenwolf, Ultron, and The Joker on the committee.

BREAKING: White House unveils officials on "Council To Re-Open America" #NewsInPhoto #coronavirus #trump2020 pic.twitter.com/d2r8kaXKER

— The Beaverton (@TheBeaverton) April 13, 2020

The Council to Re-Open America pic.twitter.com/sXvhD9tD2K

— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) April 13, 2020

OFFICIALS ON COUNCIL TO RE-OPEN AMERICA pic.twitter.com/u8jiHYkIPr

— Sarah McLaughlin (@sarahemclaugh) April 13, 2020

Wishing Trump’s Council To Re-Open America every success! #MAGA pic.twitter.com/9p0suuh6rZ

— Brad Evans* (@EvansBrad) April 13, 2020

The Council to Re-open America? May I suggest a few more members? pic.twitter.com/qjRwI7tHnZ

— xmaximus (@congakitty) April 13, 2020

Live look at first ever Council To Re-open America meeting. pic.twitter.com/HFSa088eXr

— Bettie Toxic (@bettietoxic) April 13, 2020

Luckily for all of us, this smokeshow bullsh*t is exactly that. Just as Dustin wrote earlier today:

Uh, yeah. No. That’s not how the Constitution works. The federal government could not implement a nationwide lockdown, nor can it lift lockdowns in individual states. Yes, the President can influence and pressure governors, but ultimately, the governors are going to do what is best for their individual states, and each individual state has different needs and different situations.

Enjoy your little meetings, dickwagons.

Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.

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