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Less Terrifying Picks For The US "Council to Re-Open America" Than Ivanka And The Gang

By Jodi Smith | Politics | April 13, 2020 |

By Jodi Smith | Politics | April 13, 2020 |


I do not even want to get into all of the batf*ckery going on with finger-pointing, laziness, and sheer heartlessness emanating from the White House during our current national predicament. I want to focus on the fact that the US has a “Council to Re-Open America” made up of unqualified cronies, including a certain someone’s daughter and her slumlord husband.

This is terrifying on so many levels. Lots of people on Twitter have been posting some alternative to this motley crew of miscreants and I have to say the results are much more comforting.

Personally, I choose Pennywise the Dancing Clown, The Babadook, Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, Samara, Bughuul, and Satan. Alternatively, perhaps we could have Thanos, Doomsday, Ronan the Destroyer, Ares: God of War, Steppenwolf, Ultron, and The Joker on the committee.

Luckily for all of us, this smokeshow bullsh*t is exactly that. Just as Dustin wrote earlier today:

Uh, yeah. No. That’s not how the Constitution works. The federal government could not implement a nationwide lockdown, nor can it lift lockdowns in individual states. Yes, the President can influence and pressure governors, but ultimately, the governors are going to do what is best for their individual states, and each individual state has different needs and different situations.

Enjoy your little meetings, dickwagons.

Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Warner Bros. Pictures