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Maybe Dildochio Slender Man Shouldn't Be In Charge of Peace in the Middle East

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | June 3, 2019

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Header Image Source: Getty Images

Last year, Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump earned $82 million while working for the White House. Kushner Cos., the Kushner family real-estate outfit, received $800 million in federally backed loans. Kushner’s real-estate start-up also sought $100 million from a Saudi backed fund, despite Kushner’s close relationship with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman, who has helped to secure deals between the United States and Saudi Arabia. (MBS also murdered and dismembered a The Washington Post journalist and Kushner looked the other way — in fact, he still says that he’s “waiting for the results of the investigation.”).

Kushner is up to his eyeballs in conflicts and “officials from several other countries, including China, have bragged about having influence over Kushner.” And yet, this guy still has security clearances in the White House, over the objection of the people who approve security clearances.

He’s also been put in charge of the Middle East plan, and before the plan has even been officially unveiled, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is crapping on it, telling Jewish leaders that it’s “unexecutable” and that it “might not gain traction.” From the Post:

“It may be rejected. Could be in the end, folks will say, ‘It’s not particularly original, it doesn’t particularly work for me,’ that is, ‘It’s got two good things and nine bad things, I’m out,’ ” Pompeo said in an audio recording of the private meeting obtained by The Washington Post.

That doesn’t exactly sound like the “deal of the century” that Donald Trump has promised will solve the Middle-East crisis. But then again, Kushner is not exactly greasing the wheels for a deal when he says, “The hope is that [the Palestenians] over time will become capable of governing.” Kushner believes that the Palestinians shouldn’t be able to govern themselves until they put in place a “fair judicial system…freedom of press, freedom of expression, and tolerance for all religions.” I don’t disagree, and yet, Kushner has no problem embracing the Saudi government, which ticks off none of those boxes. Maybe that’s why Pompeo said, “I get why people think this is going to be a deal that only the Israelis could love. I understand the perception of that.”

Spoiler: It’s definitely going to be a deal that only Israelis will love, and instead of paving the way for peace, it will almost certainly inflame tensions.

But then again, the sniveling Kushner is not exactly good with the, uh, ‘words.’ Here he is in an interview with Axios, saying that he’s never heard President Trump do or say anything racist in his life, but also, no comment on that whole birtherism thing.

Here he is going full ’80s “do you know who I am?” Ted McGinley:

But hey! At least the Twitter jokes are good:


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