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Jared and Ivanka Just Want a Chief of Staff Who'll Play Nice With President Daddy

By Mike Redmond | Politics | December 12, 2018 |

By Mike Redmond | Politics | December 12, 2018 |


ivanka-trump-jared-kushner.jpg

“Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. Now say it.”
“Hail Hydra.”

A little over a week ago, Vanity Fair reported that John Kelly made a move to bump Mike Pence off the 2020 ticket out of fear that Pence’s chief of staff Nick Ayers was gunning for Kelly’s job. That story ended with Kelly getting shown the door and Ayers declining to replace him because our government is run by petty morons.

Case in point, Politico reports that Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump are personally handling the search for a new White House chief of staff, so of course that process sounds an awful lot like they’re arranging a playdate for President Daddy.

“As corny as it sounds, the biggest thing the president needs right now is a friend — someone who gets along with him and his family and can be a comfort to them,” said a former senior White House official. “That’s the most important attribute a chief of staff can have, and that’s what [Trump] and his family are looking for.”

Oh, wonderful. So the criteria to be the top aide to the unstable yam holding the launch codes basically requires finding Mary Poppins. Can we get some magical British nanny up in hyah?

Naturally, it behooves Javanka to find a playmate who will keep the President of the United States distracted so they can continue to ooze grift and corruption from their true tentacled forms without some orange asshole inviting scrutiny every time he takes his phone to the can. Which is always.

From Politico:

In 2016, Kushner helped persuade his father-in-law to hire a seasoned political operative to help round up delegates at the Republican National Convention.

That operative was Paul Manafort, who went on to become Trump’s campaign chairman before emerging as a central figure in special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian election meddling. A Virginia jury found Manafort guilty this summer on eight counts of bank and tax fraud.

The couple also played a role in bringing Michael Flynn to the White House as national security adviser. Flynn was fired a month into the Trump administration after misleading Pence about his contacts with Russian officials. He has since pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI and is now a cooperating witness in Mueller’s probe.

Wow, holy shit. It sure sounds like Jared and Ivanka are, what’s the fancy legal term I’m looking for here, nards deep in Russian collusion and have been from the jump.

But what I find really interesting is this little tidbit of info that should alarm die-hard #MAGA Trumpers, except it won’t because a steady diet of Facebook and Fox News has absolutely destroyed how your dad perceives reality.

The former New Yorkers also tend to favor cosmopolitan political moderates over the kind of hard-core conservative activists who appeal to President Trump.

THE SWAMP IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE IVANKA.

Normally, this is the part where I point out that nothing is going to get better because of that stuff I just said about Facebook. But today, I’m here to tell you that we all died and are hallucinating a world full of hope and optimism. Otherwise, I don’t know how else to explain this.

Could’ve sworn there’d be more bright lights and an angel saying, “Whoa, whoa, let’s talk about what went on in college first,” but I’ll take it.


Header Image Source: Getty


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