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Is Space Force Trump's Way Of Trying to Tell Us Something?

By Genevieve Burgess | Politics | August 13, 2018 |

By Genevieve Burgess | Politics | August 13, 2018 |


Like most of you, I had a lot of thoughts when the administration made it clear they were going ahead with the “Space Force” idiocy. Like, something along these lines. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff that I’d like to see the government throw money at, but the money they’re talking about dedicating to “Space Force” isn’t really enough to get Medicare for All rolling, and is likely going to be appropriated from the existing defense budget. We can talk about that budget ALL DAY but appropriating money from it for space exploration and research doesn’t bother me. My dad used to work for NASA, so a lot of the arguments about spending money in “better” ways don’t land for me. The money NASA spends doesn’t literally get launched into space, it gets paid to the people who work at NASA. Some of it paid for my shoes and braces and soccer fees and boring shit like that. More, it’s that I wish the money were just going TO NASA and the branch of the Air Force that we ALREADY HAVE to handle space exploration and protection. Just like the “fiscally responsible” party of “small government” to create a new, redundant, expensive, branch of the government, amiright? But then another thought occurred to me; do you remember how after the election there was a brief flutter of dark jokes about how at least we’d find out if there were aliens, because there was no way Trump could keep that to himself if he found out?

You guys.

What if this is Trump telling us there are aliens?

Like, someone has managed to get it through his skull that he can’t just come out and SAY that there are aliens, but they’ve indicated to him that there’s a nonzero chance that yeah, there’s totally aliens and so now he wants something to defend us against them. Because his nugget-sized brain can’t comprehend any existence that is not adversarial in nature, and the news that any aliens out there likely wouldn’t resemble anything we could comprehend because they would have evolved in totally different circumstances would be drowned out by mental images like this:

So, is this what’s going on? He knows there are aliens and can’t tell us, so he wants to make Space Marines so we can literally live the plot of Aliens? Or at least Starship Troopers? Maybe. Maybe he’s just someone with narcissism bleeding out of all his pores who would rather create an entirely new, redundant and poorly conceptualized organization just so he can say he founded it rather than properly funding the people already doing the work. I like my idea better.

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Genevieve Burgess is a Features Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow Genevieve Burgess on Twitter.

Image sources (in order of posting): Touchstone Pictures, 20th Century Fox, Studio Canal Features, Tim Burton Productions