Listen, I’m a little tired of talking about politics, too. But if I’m being honest here, New Girl, despite a glimmering hope last week, still isn’t very good, the movies are someone else’s beat, and, oh yeah, the entire White House is burning because the National Security Advisor committed treason. And the President is attempting to cover it up. So it feels like politics is the place to be. Having said that, I would like to delve into the more unexamined aspects of Trump’s ongoing eleven months of being president. Specifically: is it acceptable to mock Trump’s staff based on their looks. Short answer: yes. Longer answer: yes, 100%, you dummy.
Which I understand is going to sound hypocritical at first. Liberals and progressives argued during the election (Jesus God, how I miss it) that Trump’s rating of women and dismissal of those women he doesn’t deem to be a “ten” is misogynistic, and unbecoming for a president. Plus he said Heidi Klum is no longer a ten, so we should have also been questioning his judgment. The fact that we now ridicule Steve Bannon’s schlubby looks, Kellyanne Conway’s crazy eyes, and Stephen Miller’s I’m-going-to-enjoy-eating-your-face-most-of-all death stare means we’re hypocrites, and those lines of questioning should be out of bounds, right? Wrong. For two simple reasons:
1) No one is questioning these individuals’ bangability, but their moral content.
You’ll notice that no one has said “Eric Trump is a pig and a loser.” What Meyers, and many others, have said is that Eric Trump seems like a creepy bastard, Children of the Corn motherfucker, and a sniveling suck up. Because all indications are that his outside match his insides. Stephen Miller behaves as though he’s a socially off-putting, egotistical asshole who might have a human hair doll collection. His face seems to agree.
How is this different from saying that Hillary Clinton can’t be president because she’s a wrinkled old bag who I don’t want to fuck? Because the evaluation of Trump’s staff isn’t their looks. It’s their character. Steve Bannon isn’t unfit for his role as Chief Strategist because he’s the bloated corpse of Robert Redford. He’s unfit for the position because he’s a woman-and-gay-hating racist whose outside seem to be expanding as quickly as possible in order to escape him. Kellyanne Conway isn’t being criticized because we don’t like looking at her face. She’s being criticized because the stress of living in an absurdist nightmare fueled by lies and and threats has caused her face to become as ravaged as her soul. It’s the simple difference of stating “you are what you look like” versus “you look like what you are.”
2) Trump’s the one who made the appearance of his staff a priority. Which, if my Law & Order Law Degree is correct, means he entered this into evidence. Remember how John Bolton couldn’t be part of Trump’s team because of the mustache? This is because appearances are of the utmost importance to Trump. He, more than anything else, wants a group of people who look like they should be running the country. This is who he picked:
Pictured: People who definitely have nothing to hide.
We get to judge not just how well Trump did in picking his staff, but also the criteria by which he picked them. And in both cases, he did a bad job. He prioritized looks over competency, and he picked people who do not instill in the general public feelings of confidence and security. He picked someone who looks like a National Security Advisor instead of someone capable of being National Security Advisor, and now that Advisor has committed treason. I guess in this case, at least Trump picked someone who looked the part instead of appearing to be some prick who would order the wrong thing at Starbucks, and then swear at the barista like someone just spit on his dead mother. Oh, wait.
He looks exactly like that guy.
So, yeah, ridicule away. If Trump wants to pick the wrong people for the wrong reasons, we get to make fun of all of that. And if he wants to eventually change his mind, and acknowledge he was wrong, I know a couple of “non-tens” who might be able to get him on track.