Generic White Guy with Rolled-Up Sleeves Thinks He Deserves to Be the Next President
Up until yesterday afternoon, there had been 19 folks who had announced — more or less — that they were running for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. Among those who had thrown their hat in the ring were a number of distinguished U.S. Senators, a former Housing Secretary, and a couple of former Governors. This is even before Joe Biden — the former Vice President with decades of public service under his belt — has even announced whether he will run.
And then this guy … this guy … decides, “You know what? I think I’m the solution to America’s problems.”
Eric Swalwell on The Late Show: "I'm running for President of the United States." pic.twitter.com/4A4cES1nUx— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) April 8, 2019
You know what? I barely know who Eric Swalwell is, other than he looks like the love child of a Ken doll and a thumb. He could be a really nice guy who doesn’t remind me of Alex Moffat doing an impression of Eric Trump on SNL. But how do white guys like this — and no offense, but also guys like Tim Ryan, Beto, Seth Moulton, Michael Bennet, Howard Schultz, and yeah, Mayor Pete — come to the goddamn conclusion that they’re going to be the country’s savior? How do they look at Kirsten Gillibrand, Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, Bernie Sanders, Amy Klobuchar, and Joe Biden and think, “You know what? I — a four-term Congressman from California and a former member of the Alpha Sigma Phi fraternity, who is married to the sales director at the Ritz-Carlton in Half Moon Bay — think I am better positioned to lead this country than a former prosecutor, Attorney General, and current Senator with a Harvard Law degree and 30 years of public service?
Is it the hair? Does the hair give him that confidence? Because I won’t even raise my hand during a Q&A with the director after a movie because I’m worried about taking time away from someone with a better question. And this guy is like, “I used to be in Student Government at the University of Maryland. I should be the next President of the United States!”
This is exactly what I was talking about yesterday. There have been so many white dudes who have been President that now every white guy with a couple of years of public service and some Crest Whitestrips thinks they can be President.
who is this assistant principal with a men's wearhouse suit with the gall to run for president? and like … why?— ≠ roxanna ≠ roxanne ≠ roxy (@roxana_hadadi) April 9, 2019
(also, you KNOW the choice NOT to wear a tie when announcing this was calculated AF.) https://t.co/dUkC6BdO9X
Every six months or so I learn who Eric Swalwell is (knocked off the great Pete Stark in a primary!) and then forget again.— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) April 8, 2019
abandoning my family to campaign for Eric Swalwell— cavity survivor (@ByYourLogic) April 8, 2019
Eric Swalwell enters the Presidential race and has immediately taken the lead as the most unrecognizably generic white guy.— Tim Young (@TimRunsHisMouth) April 9, 2019
Eric Swalwell looks like and is the also-ran congressman from Veep pic.twitter.com/ehDWcWVKEY— Alex Muresianu (@ahardtospell) April 8, 2019
Look: I’m sure Eric Swalwell is a nice guy when he’s not washing his Trans-Am in an ’80s movie, and he’s got a good cause — he’s running on gun control, and he’s got the backing of some of the Parkland activists — but dude. Just because your second wife told you that you could win a Presidential election because you represent the chin-dimple demographic doesn’t mean you can actually win a Presidential election, and the level of presumptuousness from guys like this is galling as hell.
fuck Eric Swalwell for this. fuck Beto too, and Tim Ryan and Other Tim Ryan, and all these House of Reps pissants who think Only They Can Save Us. Ego-crazed lunatic motherfucker bitchass bitches.— Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King Of You (@commiegirl1) April 8, 2019
Header Image Source: Getty Images
- With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: Voting for the Pajiba 10 Begins Now
- Spoilers: Digging into the Runes Throughout ‘Midsommar,’ What the Hell They All Mean, and the Easter Eggs Ari Aster Hid Throughout
- By Erasing Oasis for a Cheap Joke, ‘Yesterday’ Also Does One of Its Only Female Characters a Disservice
- Review: Tom Holland Is Perfect In 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' Even as the Story Struggles
- On the Spectacular 'Evvie Drake Starts Over' and the Time NPR's Linda Holmes Twitter Shamed Me