Update: After saying he would, then he would not share results from his physical on Dr. Oz, Trump ultimately did share some of the results, according to the NYTimes.
The quick run-through of results, which Mr. Trump is said to have given to the doctor to read from a piece of paper, came after the Republican presidential nominee’s aides had said he would, and then that he wouldn’t, broach the topic with the celebrity doctor on the “Dr. Oz Show.”
Specifics are not yet available. The physical was conducted by gastroenterologist Harold Bornstein, the bozo pictured below.
As with every single Trump story that comes out, buckle the fuck in because you’re about to go through a series of emotions that generally go in this order:
1) Abject confusion
2) Asking a futile “why?”
3) Drunken crying for the complete and total implosion of our nation
So, *sighs, shakes head, sniffs Sharpie just to dull the pain* OK, basically news broke late last week that Donald Trump would discuss the results of his complete medical exam on the Dr. Oz show.
Yes, the dubious at best Dr. Oz show, known for shilling diet pills and talking poo. The response was a combination of “…what?” and “…that makes sense” because of course it does. At this point nothing is actually shocking. Everything makes Trump sense.
As we all recall, the original release of Trump’s medical history read like this:
“If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual elected to the presidency,” Trump’s gastroenterologist wrote, adding that Trump’s blood pressure and lab results were “astonishingly excellent” and “his physical strength and stamina are extraordinary.”
Trump’s doctor also admitted last month in an interview with NBC that he had written the letter in just five minutes while a limousine sent by the GOP nominee waited outside of his Manhattan office, but he stood by his assessment.
And it came from a man who looks like this:
But today, news has broken (it’s all broken, all of it) that Trump will not in fact be discussing his health with Dr. Oz, but health in general. Including his personal health regimen.
You know. Because Donald Trump is the ideal human specimen whose health and wellness we can all learn something from.
And yet again this will be a wholly bizarre attention grab to draw focus from what’s actually going on, which is him trying to destroy us with his Cheeto-dusted Dollar Store brand of fascism and no one will do anything about it and we’ll all die screaming.
Anyway, have a great day.