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Evening Briefing: F**k Off Dallas Cowboys, Donald Trump, and Mitch McConnell

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 25, 2017 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | September 25, 2017 |

In recent weeks, I’ve limited myself to one political briefing a day, two on very heavy news days. But today, you get a morning, midday, and evening briefing. I’ll try to make it very brief, because Young Sheldon ain’t gonna watch itself.

— Let’s start with the Dallas Cowboys, which was one of the few NFL organizations who had not released a statement expressing unity with the players in opposition to Donald Trump’s statements over the weekend. I expected the worse from them at tonight’s Monday Night Football matchup, and the worst is what I got.

How many of the rest of you saw the header photo and thought, ‘Holy Shit! Jerry Jones and the entire team took a knee! GET OUT! SUCK IT, TAMMY LAURYN.

Well, it turns out, the entire team did take a knee, but it came before the anthem while nothing else was going on. They were protesting nothing. They were protesting Billy Bob getting up and getting a third beer before the game even started. Jerry Jones is a fucking coward.

In related news, this guy — a Pittsburgh Steeler and current Army Ranger — became a hero to the right today for stepping outside of the tunnel and standing for the National Anthem while the rest of his team stayed inside the tunnel yesterday. But, uh, this guy feels like shit about it.

“I made my teammates look bad, and that is my fault, and my fault only,” Villanueva said. “We as a team tried to figure it out, but obviously butchered it. Unfortunately I threw my teammates under the bus, unintentionally,” he said. “Every single time I see that picture of me standing by myself I feel embarrassed … People that are taking a knee are not saying anything negative about the military, they’re not saying anything negative about the flag, they’re just trying to protest that there are some injustices in America.”

Thank you, Alejandro Villanueva. I guess the right will just have to align with the Steelers’ quarterback, who came out today and said that he regretted that the team stayed in the tunnel.

You go ahead conservatives and side yourself with the rapist. It’s par for the course these days, anyway. We’ll take the Army Ranger.

I’ll try not to talk to much about this issue, but LeBron James’ comments on the matter today are too good to ignore. This is great.

Also, if any owner in the NFL were 1/10 as great as Gregg Popovich I would switch my allegiances to that team immediately.

— I’m going to ignore the fact that Sarah Huckabee Sanders said today that it is “absolutely appropriate” for the President to call NFL players sons of bitches and move on to the second biggest political story of the day: Six current and former senior White House officials (Steve Bannon, Reince Priebus, Ivanka Trump, Gary Cohn, Stephen Miller and Jared Kushner) used private email to conduct government business.

Lock them up?!

What do you think, Hillary?


— Susan Collins came out as a definitive no on the Graham Cassidy health care bill. It’s deader than dead. For now. I’m sure it will be back, though. Does anyone doubt that for a moment. And you know what happens if Obamacare is repealed? The entire country will end up with free medical care. OH GOD, THE HUMANITY. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

NO! NO! More money on saving people’s lives than killing people? NO NO NO NO.

— What else? Hillary Clinton lambasted Donald Trump for ignoring the humanitarian crisis in Puerto Rico, and I kid you not, within minutes, Trump finally tweeted something about it.

But after tweeting about Puerto Rico, he quickly pivoted and attacked the war hero with brain cancer.


But don’t worry. The White House will get some relief aid out there in a couple of weeks. A COUPLE OF WEEKS?

— In news of the delightful, The Daily Beast is being told that after the candidate Trump backed in Alabama, Luther Strange, loses tomorrow night, and after the Obamacare repeal goes down in defeat again, Trump and the White House are preparing to blame it all on Mitch McConnell.

One senior Trump administration official told The Daily Beast that the president is “well prepared to” shovel blame onto McConnell if and when the latest Obamacare repeal effort goes down in flames later this week. Another Trump confidant noted that the president regularly vents about “Mitch’s” seeming inability to get “anything over the finish line.”

I hope these assholes continue to eat each other alive.

— Finally, Trump tweeted this on Saturday: “Iran just test fired a ballistic missile capable of reaching Israel. They are also working with North Korea. Not much of an agreement we have!”

That was untrue. There was no missile.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.