March 28, 2016. I was younger then, just a child. I’m older now, wiser. But even then, I knew one thing: Donald Trump has a creepy-as-shit obsession with women’s skin. Like, far creepier than anything Clarice Starling could fathom. Let’s recap.
Now, let’s cleanse.
OK, so as we all know Donald Trump’s past statements are coming out of the woodwork and finding new and surprising ways to kill our spirits and sex drives forever. Historians will look back on this as a time when babies stopped being born and Children of Men became real because we’re all just straight up NOT IN THE MOOD.
Videos most definitely exist of Trump being a mothmonsterman on the set of The Apprentice but as of yet have not been leaked. However, transcripts exist of some unaired moments. Huffington Post released this one, wherein he discusses the skin of contestant and country singer Emily West, whose skin appears pretty fine in the photos I’ve seen.
“I assume you’re gonna leave this off, don’t put this shit on the show, you know. But her skin, her skin sucks, okay?” he says, according to the transcript. “I mean her skin, she needs some serious fuckin’ dermatology.”
Cyndi Lauper, who headed the team that managed West, interjected to explain that they used “dry stuff” ― presumably, makeup ― and said Trump was objecting to something that was “not her skin.” But he remained unimpressed.
“Fuck,” he proclaimed. “That’s Emily, that’s what I’m hearing about? Let me see the other one. I assume you’re not putting this on the show. ‘Cause I don’t wanna destroy the kid’s career.”
At one point, Trump briefly brought the conversation back to the actual work. But he returned again to West’s physical appearance. The back-and-forth continued for roughly three minutes.
“Personally, I am, as you probably heard, not a gay man, but I think he’s better looking that [sic] Emily okay?” Trump said of [country singer Luke] Bryan at one point.
Trump also asked Trace Adkins, the country music star who served as a guest judge on the show, what he thought about brochures that each team produced.
“Well I um, I, I think the one they did for Emily is a little more polished looking,” Adkins said.
“You’re obviously not a skin man,” Trump said. He later reiterated the point, pounded the table and said, “which is okay.” He added, “I wish I wasn’t.”
I think it’s actually the “I wish I wasn’t” that gives me the strongest chills, because, like, what HAPPENED that made DONALD TRUMP regret something involving a woman’s skin? I don’t like it. Whatever it is I don’t like it.