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Morning Briefing: Screeching Stack of Pumpkin Excrement Begins 2018 as Deranged as Ever

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | January 2, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | January 2, 2018 |


Welcome to 2018!

+ Before we get to Trump, just a real quick congratulations to Hoda Kotb, who has been named the permanent replacement for Matt Lauer. Kotb had unofficially replaced Lauer after he was booted for sexual misconduct, and funny thing: Ratings jumped with two female co-hosts. NBC is sticking with what works. NBC says that Kotb will also continue to co-host the 10 a.m. hour with Kathie Lee Gifford, which is good, because she’s gonna need the wine. You know what’s even better? Megyn Kelly wasn’t even considered.

+ Trump is up early this morning, watching Fox News and playing catch up with his Hillary Clinton hate tweets.

There’s a lot to unpack there, but funny that Trump would call out Iran in the tweet prior to that and then pull an Iranian move by calling for the imprisonment of his political enemies. Also, Deep State Justice Department? I guess Trump went on a Brietbart bender over the holidays with John Kelly out of the picture. Also, someone should tell Trump that his National Security Advisor talked on the phone with foreign agents.

As for the sailor pictures? I’m not positive to what he is referring, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the Village People. I said, YO MAN.


Speaking of the President, WashPo has the rundown on the number of lies the man has spoken in the last year. “As of Monday, the total stood at 1,950 claims in 347 days, or an average of 5.6 claims a day.” See? He IS better than Obama at something!

Oh, and look: Now he’s taking credit for the fact that there were no plane crashes in 2017. THANKS TRUMP! You dumb son of a bitch.

You are a small, pathetic, petty little man. All you want is our love, and no one wants to give it to you.


+ Elsewhere, Anthony Scaramucci is telling friends that Trump wants him back.

The former White House communications director has privately told friends and associates that the president and other members of the Trump family, including White House adviser and first daughter Ivanka Trump, miss him and want him back in the West Wing. Three sources close to Scaramucci have independently told The Daily Beast that the Mooch continues to brag that he and President Donald Trump talk on the phone, and that the Mooch believes his resurrection in Trump-world could be imminent. One of these sources said that the Mooch claimed he was flying out to either Washington, D.C. or Mar-a-Lago early this month to meet Trump to talk about it.

F—k it. Why not?


+ This has nothing to do with politics, but Jesus, Neil deGrasse Tyson can be kind of an asshole sometimes, can’t he?

+ Over in South Carolina, a couple of lawmakers have decided that maybe the best way to extinguish controversy over Confederate Statues is to give one honoring the black soldiers of the Confederacy. There’s just one problem: There weren’t any.

Two South Carolina lawmakers want to erect a monument on the State House grounds to African-Americans who served the state as Confederate soldiers. But records show the state never accepted nor recognized armed African-American soldiers during the Civil War.

“In fact, when secession came, the state turned down free (blacks) who wanted to volunteer because they didn’t want armed persons of color,” he said.

What do those dumb motherf**kers think? That if black people fought for the continued enslavement of black people that the war was somehow justified?

When we burn the world down, let’s try and look as great as Eva Green, OK?