film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


Donald Trump Continues to Defy Parody at Neil Gorsuch Swearing-In Ceremony

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | April 10, 2017 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | April 10, 2017 |

“We are here to celebrate history — the taking of the judicial oath by the newest member of the United States Supreme Court, Neil Gorsuch. Justice Gorsuch, I just want to congratulate you and your entire family. It’s something so special,” but mostly for me, not for you, Trump seemed to suggest.

“In fact, I’ve always heard that the most important thing that a President of the United States does is appoint people — hopefully great people like this appointment — to the United States Supreme Court. And I can say this is a great honor. (Applause.) And I got it done in the first 100 days — that’s even nice.”

“You think that’s easy?” he added with an implicit, “Motherfuckers.”

The swearing-in of Neil Gorsuch was, as always, a Donald Trump affair. He did this, never mind that Mitch McConnell and the Republican-led Senate blocked the nomination of Merrick Garland, and never mind that Mitch McConnell had to use to nuclear option to override the Democrats. Fuck you. Donald Trump did this. WITH HIS MIND PARTS.

“It is fitting that, upon giving oath to Gorsuch, he will become first ever Supreme Court justice to serve with one of his former law clerks,” Donald Trump said, referring to Justice Kennedy, who swore in Gorsuch. “That’s sort of a big deal isn’t it? I sort of like that. That’s sort of good. It has never happened before … Also it shows you have a lot of respect for this man,” Trump continued, as though bragging about setting some a record in a 5K race.

I picked a guy that Kennedy likes. Good on me, Trump seemed to be saying, as though asking for America to throw flowers at a man who lost the popular vote and has been under the cloud of an investigation since the day he was inaugurated.

“A new optimism is sweeping across our land, and a new faith in America is filling our hearts and lifting our sights,” said the man who dropped 50 Tomahawk missiles on Syria last week before spending the weekend playing golf.

“Today, we have all three branches of government represented at this event. It is a very special thing — and a very special happening. And it’s worth taking just a minute to remember what it all means,” Trump said, hoping that America would also use that minute to forget about his ties to Russia.

“Go get ‘em!” Trump told Gorsuch, according to CNN. He actually said that. He told Gorsuch to “Go get ‘em!”

Let’s go take some women’s reproductive rights away. FUCK YEAH. Can I get a wave started? Mitch, stand up? Come on, Paul Ryan. Throw your hands in the air. LOOK WHAT I DID.

(“I hired him, so I can fire him, right?” I am sure he asked someone at some point during the ceremony.)

'Homeland' Season 6 Finale: Is Peter Quinn Dead? | Digital Strip Searches and a Massive Wall: Welcome To America

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.