I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m a foreigner. And in between taking yer jerbs, taking yer freedoms, and using up all the affirmative actions, I thought it would be nice of me to use my amazing translation abilities and help you decode the statements of your dearest leader. Let’s take a look at some of the things he’s said.
Never in U.S.history has anyone lied or defrauded voters like Senator Richard Blumenthal. He told stories about his Vietnam battles and….— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 7, 2017
“Never in U.S. history has anyone lied or defrauded voters like me, but I will project all my failures onto others and no one will notice.”
“Only 9s or 10s, body fat lower than 20%, and my advisors said up to 35 years old, but I’m leaning towards capping at 30.”
“My phone lets me type pictures! Weeeeeeeee!”
The Republicans never discuss how good their healthcare bill is, & it will get even better at lunchtime.The Dems scream death as OCare dies!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 19, 2017
I will be having lunch at the White House today with Republican Senators concerning healthcare. They MUST keep their promise to America!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 19, 2017
“Ivanka put me on a diet and I am so hungry.”
“I’m taking credit for what the black guy did, because that’s the greatest American tradition of all time.”
The W.H. is functioning perfectly, focused on HealthCare, Tax Cuts/Reform & many other things. I have very little time for watching T.V.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 12, 2017
“This place is a dump, my focus is best exemplified by that dog from UP, let’s see what’s on the teevees.”
Remember, when you hear the words "sources say" from the Fake Media, often times those sources are made up and do not exist.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 12, 2017
“I know this for a fact because I’ve impersonated a publicist named John Baron and John Miller, and have an imaginary friend named Jim who doesn’t like Paris.”
My son Donald did a good job last night. He was open, transparent and innocent. This is the greatest Witch Hunt in political history. Sad!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 12, 2017
“My son is useless and a huge disappointment to me. I wonder if that cloning tech is up and running because I’d like three more Ivankas.”
Big wins against ISIS!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 11, 2017
“No wins. No winning anywhere. Sad. Maybe Barron will play Monopoly with me tonight.”
For years, even as a "civilian," I listened as Republicans pushed the Repeal and Replace of ObamaCare. Now they finally have their chance!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 9, 2017
“Someone just explained to me what the word ‘civilian’ means. If I use it in a sentence, I think I will get an extra scoop of ice cream today.”
Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don't know what to do. Love!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 31, 2016
“I have been sued over 3,500 times! That’s very many times! I am so good at this!”
I will be live tweeting!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 6, 2015
“I will be live tweeting…the demise of the American democracy.”
Can you believe that,with all of the problems and difficulties facing the U.S., President Obama spent the day playing golf.Worse than Carter— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 14, 2014
“Obama loves to play golf, and Carter loves to build houses. And not even good houses. No gold or marble. SAD!”
Be prepared, there is a small chance that our horrendous leadership could unknowingly lead us into World War III.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 31, 2013
This one is 100% accurate and needs no translation services.
Do you want to play along? Go here to get a random tweet from Trump, and use your own Translatornomitron 3000 to uncover the true meaning.
Ursula lives in Chicago and is preparing for WWIII by hoarding potatoes. You can follow her here.