Tom Cruise Is That Boss You Can't Stand

Top Gun: Maverick boosted Tom Cruise’s public standing so much, that it’s easy to forget he’s a weirdo andthe last two Mission: Impossible movies were… not great. He’s still in the top-tier of A-list celebs, and he’s been leaning into that persona to promote Digger by doing things like hanging out with Taylor Swift, going on Pat McAfee’s podcast, and stopping by Jimmy Fallon this week. However, Tom Cruise is very intense, and he wants everyone to know it.

While making the podcast rounds, Cruise added New Heights to his rotation — he’s clearly in deep with the Kelce-Swifts — where he shared a weird anecdote about drilling the makeup team on Digger. I’m sure in Tom Cruise’s mind this seemed awesome and more proof that there is nothing his Dianetics genius can’t improve. But we’ve all had this exact kind of boss before, and it sucks a whole lot of butt.

The whole thing started when Cruise first put on the prosthetics for his geriatric billionaire character, and the process took six hours. Xenu did not like that. Via Variety:

To streamline the process, Cruise said he showed up with a chalkboard and started timing how long it took to put each prosthetic on.

“I had a guy there with a stopwatch and I’m like, ‘OK, you see that time, six hours? By the time we’re done, we’re going to get it under an hour,’” Cruise said. “They were like, ‘No, I’m not doing that, it will never happen.’ I’m like, ‘OK, first of all, if you say no, you can’t do it, you will never get there. So can we agree that we’ll maybe make it a little less?’ So with each piece that was going on, it was timed and then we’d drill and practice.”

It worked, and they eventually got his makeup and prosthetics routine down to under an hour. “They were like, ‘What?!’ And they didn’t even know it, and they didn’t even rush,” Cruise said. “I like going into a system, studying it and trying to figure out how I can do it better, more efficient. The films that I make, I’m constantly going, how can I do it better?”

First, I’m going to laugh my a** off if every reviews asks, “Why do the prosthetics look like that?” Two, anyone work retail and have to do role-playing exercises on selling loyalty memberships or magazine subscriptions? This is that plus a tiny man will send goons to sit outside your house if he even thinks you’ll call Leah Remini. And he’ll know! He could be hiding in your purse right now.