Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Mike Redmond | News | July 31, 2025
Our current timeline has reached levels of dumb that not even scientists can quantify (because they’ve all been fired), so it probably shouldn’t come as a shock that the Sydney Sweeney American Eagle fiasco has turned into a full-blown thing. It’s the perfect storm of a white lady with huge knockers, a social media platform overrun with incel weirdos, and a president who desperately needs everyone to focus on something, anything that isn’t his dead best friend who stole one of his teenage masseuses.
Walk with me.
March 3, 2024: Richard Hanania tweets a zoomed-in clip of Sweeney’s cleavage as she thanks the audience during her SNL episode. Hanania confidently declares, “Wokeness is dead,” racking up over 63 million views for a statement that made absolutely zero sense. Last I checked, no one was throwing anyone larger than a B-cup off a cliff, but the talking point was locked in: Sydney Sweeney’s mere existence means woke lost. Checkmate, libs.
Not unlike Taylor Swift before her, Sydney Sweeney was now burdened with being the secret Aryan Goddess of the worst people on earth’s dreams. Only this time, Sweeney’s family being MAGA-friendly made those dreams slightly more plausible.
July 23, 2025: American Eagle launches its new ad campaign: “Sydney Sweeney has great jeans.” While seemingly an innocuous play on words, things get awkward when a video featuring Sweeney leans even further into touting the ancestral excellence that created a blonde, blue-eyed woman. It’s not exactly “blood and soil,” but we’re getting there! The ad sparks a backlash on social media for playing footsies with eugenics, which is bad enough on its own, but even more tone deaf during a time when the current administration is putting people in concentration camps surrounded by alligators. Sweeney and American Eagle both go radio silent.
July 29, 2025: The co-founder of a marketing firm tells NPR that, actually, the American Eagle ad is a smashing success because it “won the attention game.” He also said that inclusive ads don’t work anymore because they “became commonplace and it didn’t feel like you could notice it.” Yup.
July 29, 2025: Former Tea Party congressman turned recent Democratic convert Joe Walsh skeeted the following:
A message I just got from a buddy of mine, who’s a long time Democratic Party campaign consultant: “This Sydney Sweeney thing is the kind of thing that turns men away from our party. It’s why men think our party is weak & insane.”
My response to him? “f**k yea it is. You are exactly right.”
— Joe Walsh (@walshfreedom.bsky.social) July 29, 2025 at 11:05 PM
Walsh gets roasted alive on Bluesky, and surely, this will be the highest rung on this tour, outside of maybe Ted Cruz perving out. (Which he does.) It’s not like the White House will get involved.
July 30, 2025: The White House releases a statement on Sydney Sweeney’s breasts being used to make a eugenics joke in a jeans commercial. Via Variety:
“Cancel culture run amok,” Cheung wrote of the ad on X. “This warped, moronic and dense liberal thinking is a big reason why Americans voted the way they did in 2024. They’re tired of this bullsh*t.”
Welp, there you have it. The 2024 election was not about inflation, immigration, drugs crossing the border, or even high school sports. It was about big jugged blonde ladies making cutesy jokes about Nazi science, and it behooves the country for the president to give this topic his undivided attention. So let’s all focus on that, and not a certain Mar-a-Lago membership that was still active in 2007 and/or an open admission of knowing what happened to Virginia Giuffre. The hot girl from TV has jeans to sell. They have eagles on them and everything!
