WARNING: This article and its content discusses violent behavior inflicted on women, as well as attempts to inflict violent behavior upon women. If you believe that reading this will trigger you in any way, shape, or form, please do not proceed any further, and please read something far more pleasant and wonderful instead, like Kaleena’s weekly recaps for Ted Lasso.
The last time I started an article for Pajiba by saying that men are trash, Facebook somehow flagged it and prevented the article from appearing on their website. Well, Facebook, I’m starting this article by saying once again that men are trash. I’d probably worry about this not being allowed to see the light of day on your website, but you have a lot more pressing concerns at the moment.
Last Saturday, the body of 19-year-old Miya Marcano was discovered in a wooded area near an apartment complex in Orange County, Florida, after she had gone missing for over a week. She was last seen on September 24th at the Arden Villas apartment complex where she lived, and according to sheriff John Mina of the Orange County Sheriff’s Office, the person solely responsible for Miya’s disappearance and her death was Armando Caballero, a maintenance worker at Miya’s building who had repeatedly expressed interest in being in a relationship with her but was rejected by Miya. Caballero owned a key fob that provided him with access to all of the apartments in the building where he worked, including Miya’s. It is believed that Caballero was waiting inside Miya’s apartment when she arrived home before he killed her and dumped her body in the woods near the Tymber Skan apartments where Caballero once lived. Sheriff Mina pointed out that there was no evidence of sexual assault, and as for Caballero, he was found dead by suicide several days before Miya’s body was recovered. Upon examination of his cell phone records, the authorities had seen that he was at the Tymber Skan apartments around the time that Miya was reported missing, which soon led to the discovery of her body.
When I first wrote the aforementioned article for Pajiba that began with my statement about how men are trash, I was writing about Cardi B and how she was performing at the Rolling Loud festival when her estranged husband, Offset, appeared on stage like Denzel Washington at the end of Mo’ Better Blues and begged her to take him back so they could be together again. Clearly, she overlooked his infidelity and all of his other flaws, due to how much she missed his dick and his ability to park that big Mack truck right in her little garage, as his refusal to respect her decision (as well as his refusal to leave her be and let her do her job on stage that millions of people paid to see) soon resulted in the two of them getting back together.
Over the past few days, there have been plenty of men on social media sharing their thoughts and opinions about what happened to Miya Marcano. They expressed how horrible her death is, and also expressed the many steps that women can and should take in order to protect themselves and to be more careful to prevent something like this from happening to them as well. This is exactly the problem, and also why advice such as this is absolutely f-cking useless.
When men tell women that they need to be more careful to avoid sharing the same fate as Miya, they’re basically saying that Miya wasn’t being careful, and that any other woman isn’t being careful, and that they are probably saying or doing something to deserve their fate. Men say this as if women don’t already take every imaginable step to protect themselves and to protect other women around them. From going to the bathroom in groups, to purchasing guns/knives/pepper spray/expandable batons/spiked brass knuckles; using their own set of keys as spiked brass knuckles; constantly sending text messages to loved ones, and even allowing themselves to be tracked via cell phone by their loved ones when they’re going out on dates or going out in public; taking photos of their date’s license plate and sending them to their friends; creating inventions to cover up and protect their drinks when they’re at bars to prevent them from getting spiked; having to find other ways to prevent their drinks from getting spiked upon realizing that said invention isn’t tamper-proof because male bartenders are just as willing and able to spike their drinks as their customers are; wearing headphones and wedding rings (real and fake) and baggy, unattractive clothing to avoid and dissuade any potential catcallers; and so on, and so on, and so on.
Yet, none of these things are enough to deter men and prevent them from reminding women in cruel, humiliating, and violent ways that they cannot and will not take “no” for an answer. Whether it’s “No, you are no longer permitted to enter this public library,” or “No, I don’t want to be your fiancée any longer and I want our relationship to be over,” or “No, I’m not going to give you my phone number in response to you cat-calling me, so leave me alone,” or “No, I’m not going to let you tell me who I can kiss in public just because you’re a homophobic prick,” women end up either losing their lives or becoming seriously injured because too many men are incapable of taking and handling rejection, and so their only response upon not getting exactly what they want ends up being death and destruction. (I’m fully aware that I’ve said this once before, but it bears repeating)
If there’s anyone who should be receiving helpful advice on how to keep women safe from being stalked and harassed and sexually assaulted and murdered, I assure you it’s not women. It’s men. Every single one of them, including myself.
And if you’re about to say or type the words, “Not all men,” I have just one response: I said what the f-ck I said!
Instead of telling women that they should watch what they drink, and how much they drink, and to be careful about having something slipped in to their drink? Leave women the f-ck alone, and let them drink in peace.
Instead of telling women to watch what they wear so they don’t get catcalled or harassed or sexually assaulted? Leave women the f-ck alone, let them wear whatever clothes makes them feel happy and comfortable, keep your mouths shut, and don’t catcall them. At all. I promise you’re not being charming or funny or clever, and nothing you say to these women is going to make them want to take you home and then call their mothers to tell them that they just met the man that they’re going to marry and spend the rest of their lives with.
Instead of telling women that they should walk in groups or be careful about walking around at night because they never know what could happen, or who they might cross paths with? Leave women the f-ck alone, let them walk to and from their destinations whether they’re alone or in groups, and mind your damn business.
Instead of telling women that they should smile more and be friendlier, to not get so upset about being catcalled because the man who’s approaching you is really a Nice Guy if you get to know him a little better? Leave women the f-ck alone, and stop telling women what to do with their facial expressions, and how they should act when they’re approached by strange men that they’ve never met and know nothing about. Even better, if you see a woman being approached by a strange man and she’s clearly scared and uncomfortable about what’s happening to her? Say something, or do something, that will allow this woman to breathe a sigh of relief and to get far away from whoever is bothering her. And if you can do this in a way that won’t endanger you or this woman or anyone else, and won’t result in anyone being hurt or killed, that’s even more of a reason to step up.
“But … but how are we supposed to meet women if we can’t even talk to them?” I promise you that your unwashed dicks don’t concern me or most other women in the slightest, and you should know that your need for companionship and sex is not and never will be more important than women being safe and feeling safe wherever they are. If you really want companionship and/or sex that badly, there are plenty of dating websites for you to sign up for. Just make sure you get some damn Act-Right before you do.
Advice for women to be safe around men : carry a gun, pepper spray, knife. Install cameras. Share location. Check backseat. Move to a safer neighborhood. Dress modestly. Be nice. Smile. Dont get drunk. Dont go anywhere alone.— BELLY ROWLAND (@Pinky_Balboa) October 3, 2021
Advice for men to not harm women:
I know full well that nothing that I’m saying here is brand-new. I know full well that there are plenty of others (most of them being women) who have said and who continue to say everything that I’ve just said when it comes to men needing to stop with their f-cking bullsh-t already, and accept that they’re the ones who are responsible for women not being harmed, and for women not having to deal with all of the physical and psychological effects of toxic masculinity. I also know (or at least, suspect, because I’m pretty f-cking cynical) that some of you who are reading this are probably wondering why I’m the one writing this article instead of any of the female writers on staff here at Pajiba. To answer your question and put your curiosity to rest:
6) Because men need to hear from other men about what they’re doing and how they’re f-cking up when it comes to their behavior towards women, and they need to hear from other men what must be done for it to stop.
Men are the ones who need to talk to their sons, their nephews, their brothers, their friends, their colleagues, and to themselves about the numerous ways that women are made to feel unsafe, and what we must do to change that. Men need to let each other know that refusing to accept “no” as an answer from women, being overly persistent to get what you want, and trying to wear them down until women see the real you and realize what they’re missing out on (you know, because it always happens in the movies and on TV, and it works like a charm) is some bullsh-t. They need to let each other know that being rejected is not the end of the world, that being a f-ckboy is never a good thing, and if one woman says “no” to you, her decision must be respected, and you need to move on and focus your attention on someone else who is more likely to say “yes” after meeting you and realizing that you’re not a f-ckboy and not a waste of their time. (I’ve seen too many examples in the “Nice Guys” subreddit of men who do an incredibly piss-poor job of handling rejection, and who think that they deserve to have the women they want simply because they’re nice, and every single of those examples never fails to make me shake my head and utter numerous profanities under my breath)
15 minutes after movers I hired moved me into my apartment by myself…. pic.twitter.com/CZ5LgZT9WE— Meisha (@MeishaMo) October 5, 2021
Men need to let each other know that following women to their homes (or to any other location, for that matter) and doing sh-t like this? Never, ever, ever okay.
Men need to let each other know that they can’t and won’t always get what they want, and that hurting women to protect their egos and to make themselves feel better is never a direction that they should take. (Especially if you’re a male maintenance worker who has a master key that gives you unlimited access to women’s apartments in the building where you work, which is access that male maintenance workers shouldn’t even have) Blaming women for what happens to them, and insisting that they should say “yes” to prevent bad things from happening to them? Don’t do that. Ever. They have as much right to say “no” as they do to say “yes,” and if you can’t handle being rejected and hearing the word “no?” You have no business dating anyone, and should definitely spend some time getting your sh-t together before you do.
Men need to let each other know that when you step up on behalf of women, and let it be known that any violence or misogynistic behavior towards them won’t be tolerated? It doesn’t make you a simp or a pu—y or a “cuck” or a “SJW”, and it’s not being done because you’re hoping to get sex as a reward. It’s being done because it’s the right thing to do, and not because you’re expecting cookies or any other reward for it. Hell, if your female colleagues in the workplace are ignored and disrespected when doing their work or sharing their ideas, and your male colleagues are given high-fives and attaboys when doing the same work and sharing those same ideas? Say something on behalf of your female colleagues, so that they’re not made to feel as if they and their contributions don’t mean anything compared to the men in the office and what they do (or don’t do).
I shouldn’t have to tell you men any of this, and men should have enough common sense and Act-Right to not need to be told any of this. But too many women like Miya Marcano and Gabby Petito and thousands of Black women and Latina women and indigenous women and trans women end up going missing, and in too many cases, are found dead after they are reported missing. (It should go without saying that what happened to Gabby Petito is truly horrible and should never have happened, but missing white women like her are always given more news coverage than those same missing Black women and Latina women and indigenous women and trans women, and that is another rant for another day) So yes, all of this needs to be said, and it needs to be said loudly and repeatedly until men get the point that too many men are destroying the lives of far too many women.
There is so much more to be said here, and by people who are much smarter about this than myself. But all of this boils down to the simple fact that men need to spend less time giving advice to women on how they can stay safe and stay alive, and spend more time telling other men (and telling themselves) to stop doing things to women that prevent them from being safe and staying alive in the first place.
Header Image Source: The studio formerly known as 20th Century Fox