There’s a reason why women on Twitter constantly say that men are trash.
Actually, let me rephrase that: there are far too many reasons why women on Twitter constantly say that men are trash.
Many of us have lost count of the news articles we’ve seen published that describe violent acts carried out by men against women who had the audacity to tell them “No.” Whether it’s “No, you are no longer permitted to enter this public library,” or “No, I don’t want to be your fiancee any longer and I want our relationship to be over,” or “No, I’m not going to give you my phone number in response to you cat-calling me, so leave me alone,” or “No, I’m not going to let you tell me who I can kiss in public just because you’re a homophobic prick,” women end up either losing their lives or becoming seriously injured because too many men are incapable of taking and handling rejection, and so their only response upon not getting exactly what they want ends up being death and destruction.
And if you’ve clicked on this post after reading the headline and you’re asking “What exactly does Cardi B have to do with any of this?,” this is the part where I tell you.
Earlier this month, Cardi B had announced on her Instagram page that she had broken up with her husband, rapper Offset of the rap group Migos, and they’d no longer be together. And considering that Offset was long known to have been cheating on Cardi and sleeping with numerous other women behind her back, Cardi’s many fans had reason to celebrate this news, and reason to celebrate that Cardi would no longer allow herself to be disrespected by her husband and by the father of their child, and that she’d find a partner who would be far more respectful towards her.
Offset, however, didn’t handle this breakup all that well, which included taking little to no blame for his part in the end of his marriage, and instead blaming others on Twitter. Specifically, Cardi’s fans, as evidenced by his comment on Cardi’s Instagram post about their break-up.
Offset’s comment 💔💔💔 pic.twitter.com/7LZC3mEnej— Complex (@Complex) December 5, 2018
All that did was make people on Twitter roll their eyes hard enough to get them stuck in their foreheads. Unfortunately, that was not the most ridiculous thing Offset had chosen to do to express his feelings about his breakup with Cardi.
Last night, Cardi B performed at the Rolling Loud festival in Los Angeles. Everything was going smoothly and everyone was having a good time, right up until Offset suddenly appeared on stage with microphone in hand and a giant “Take Me Back, Cardi” sign accompanying him. He walked up to Cardi and apologized for everything that he did and begged her to take him back. Cardi did not look pleased and instead of Offset’s public display of begging Cardi to save him like Denzel Washington did to Joie Lee at the end of Mo’ Better Blues resulting in the two of them ending back up in each other’s arms, Offset walked away alone in disappointment.
Yooo craziest shit happened at Rolling Loud. Offset interrupted Cardi B’s HEADLINING performance, in order to publicly ask her to take him back. She was not HAVING IT. pic.twitter.com/xmOpgs3Vqz— Romario Bautista (@coquihanii) December 16, 2018
Once word and video footage got out about what had happened, Twitter was livid. Not just at what Offset did to Cardi, but at so many people letting their fuckboy tendencies surface on social media (more so than usual, anyway) as they insisted that Cardi should forgive Offset for all that he did and take him back.
What’s more romantic than demonstrating why you deserve to be slapped with a restraining order? https://t.co/Ns8OsaAIvW— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) December 16, 2018
Nigga told his wife “I’m sorry bruh” like he hard fouled a nigga at pick up game at the YMCA lmaooo get this nigga outta here https://t.co/Zrg14HhU3X— Ace Rothstein (@DCvalid) December 16, 2018
When amber rose made a public announcement about how much she wanted 21 back, he responded by saying “once you cross me I’m done “. But he’s asking hundreds and hundreds of people to scream “take offset back” after he crossed his wife. https://t.co/uePTkGXLH5— FreeCyntoiaBrown (@Deviant_Phoenix) December 16, 2018
How gracious of the Game to take a break from dating girls just out of high school and dodging judgements from sexual assault cases to lecture women on the sanctity of marriage https://t.co/hDMYBNaeYU— Shamira 🇰🇲 (@_ShamGod) December 16, 2018
That's like asking Jay Z to not perform 4:44 on tour. Offset wants his lady back whether she want it or not. That's love https://t.co/ub6c0m9F8H— Mr. David 🇭🇳 (@TheeMrDavid) December 16, 2018
"Whether she wants it or not" = abuser logic. And y'all wonder why it's not hard to believe most of you are rapists. You don't respect women's autonomy or boundaries. https://t.co/dEoYCVQBs5— X-Men Origins: Storm is over due! (@AliciaBLike) December 16, 2018
This ain’t a twitter thing. Embarrass me at my job like that and see if you get the happy ending you want. https://t.co/qn43aZihMS— Dewan (@WhatsSleepTho) December 16, 2018
Fellas. Don’t ever show up at your woman’s job to try and apologize/win her back.— Reggie Cunningham (@kidnoble) December 16, 2018
Matter of fact…avoid doing any grand public gesture to apologize/win her back.
Niggas think the movies are real life. Show up to my job doing this I'm chopping you in the throat with my stapler https://t.co/DNYmz3csS0— Noxeema Jackson (@prime_bee) December 16, 2018
Woman showing up at a dudes job to get him back is thirsty-stalker-crazy-ex. Man doing it is chivalrous & deserves to be heard.— 🇵🇷 No Ordinary Dip ✡️ (@_SashiSash) December 16, 2018
Imagine doing all this to crash her damn performance and still getting curved. WRAP. IT. UP. pic.twitter.com/G9RZadpBnc— Scarlet Witch hate account (@ShenaeCurry) December 16, 2018
So basically, this ridiculous ass nigga showed up to her job and showed out in front of her bosses, her coworkers and the company's clients. This is not cool, cute or funny. https://t.co/g3c27L65ZH— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) December 16, 2018
Manipulation is not love.— Chani Nicholas (@chaninicholas) December 16, 2018
Pushing your agenda is not love.
Forcing a situation to go the way you want is not love. Or respect. Any answer that comes from doing so is not consent.
Could you imagine if Jay Z interrupted Beyoncé mid-performance to apologize for cheating?! I’m shook just thinking about it.— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) December 16, 2018
I'm so angry about this Offset shit because it's exactly the type of shit that we try to explain to the police and the DA's office and they just give us that blank look— AR Hamed (@MadMaxFlapper) December 16, 2018
I woke up and saw how people are glorifying Offset’s actions trying to get Cardi B back and y’all need to see how toxic and abusive this situation is.— Frederick Joseph (@FredTJoseph) December 16, 2018
Regardless of how even Cardi views it. #Offset pic.twitter.com/Puiu8DCZIa
So fucking sick of this bullshit narrative that women have to endure a little cheating. Absolutely not.— Brooke Ashley 👑 (@TheBrookeAsh) December 16, 2018
Trying to publicly extort someone into taking you back is such a fuck nigga tactic. Shit is dangerous and we know how this story usually goes when dudes can't take no for an answer— BrilliantVillain (@IntergalacticQ) December 16, 2018
this whole situation reminds me of rihanna's vogue profile where she talks about how drake getting on the mic and making one of her biggest moments about him and *his* feelings for her made her "uncomfortable" pic.twitter.com/xU2fxtxQre— lakin (@lakinimani) December 16, 2018
That man literally went up to her job to harass her in front of everyone. She's literally working and he felt comfortable enough to disrupt that for his own selfish wants. I'm starting to think he was abusive to her in some way at home, too. Outside of the cheating.— Da'Shaun L. Harrison (@_iAmRoyal) December 16, 2018
Offset needs to leave her alone and just let Cardi… B pic.twitter.com/JNv2j9KaMK— Tyrell Walden (@Tyrell_Walden) December 16, 2018
And sometime later, Cardi came to the defense of Offset and said that she wasn’t happy with how social media has been speaking about the father of her child, even though she didn’t acknowledge why so many people on social media have been talking shit about the father of her child.
People missing this video and it’s a valid explanation by Cardi B pic.twitter.com/5nb7H2vxFh— Petunia Taylz✨ (@DannyDTaken) December 16, 2018
What made this situation even worse is that it looks as if Rolling Loud, the promoters of the festival, knew all about what Offset had planned and not only encouraged it, but subtly went out of their way to use that as promotion for Cardi’s performance, hoping that this would be the kind of event that would break the Internet, only to later delete their tweets so that they’d have plausible deniability.
WOW. Rolling Out deleted the tweet in which they basically admitted their complicity in Offset's harassment of Cardi. Is it because people are calling it what it is? pic.twitter.com/r0xRk1qkv3— Monique Judge (@thejournalista) December 16, 2018
The festival facilitated the hijacking of Cardi B’s set by a man whose only concern is himself. Do not show up at my job trying to work out our personal biz. This is selfish, the mngmt was unprofessional & I hope there is legal action Cardi can take. Also delete this tweet. https://t.co/H26GXVgtzY— Symone D. Sanders (@SymoneDSanders) December 16, 2018
That didn’t stop them from patting themselves on the back for allowing this to happen and making it so that everyone would be talking about what happened, because all publicity is good publicity.
It really sucks that Rolling Loud couldnt take time to celebrate her as the first woman headliner, instead using her personal situation as a publicity stunt to pressure her into taking back an abusive partner.— Large Pores Energy 🤭 (@HeyAprill) December 16, 2018
No one won. https://t.co/PBBOCZMSSZ
You are shit. Absolute shit. Look at how majestic this could have been if you let it stay about her. https://t.co/ujRpeDrE4C— Mári 🇵🇷 (I'm Black. This isn't hard.) (@_ItsMarisWorld_) December 17, 2018
And Offset once again didn’t understand or care why so many people were so upset about what he did.
All of my wrongs have been made public, i figure It’s only right that my apologies are made public too. A nigga was just trying …..thank god I ain’t got no balloons sheeesh— OFFSET (@OffsetYRN) December 16, 2018
Those of you who are reading this and also don’t understand why Offset’s behavior towards Cardi at her concert was so upsetting for so many people, who don’t understand why his behavior is being compared to that of abusers and murderers … well …
I don’t like grand romantic gestures because they often have nothing to do with the person in question and much more to do with your own ego. An ex once got me roses after I broke up with him, we’d had previous explicit conversation about how I hate roses and flowers as gifts.— inorganic african feminist (@ztsamudzi) December 16, 2018
These shitty appeals to Cardi from the island of romantically inept hip-hop niggas aren’t affirming romantic gestures. It’s the collectivization of the same shit we dogged Robin Thicke for doing however many years ago.— inorganic african feminist (@ztsamudzi) December 16, 2018
Every single day I realize a lot of us have no idea what love means outside of a desire to possess another person or have someone respond to your advances or expressions of affection exactly the way you want them to. We don’t know a love that affirms another’s agency.— inorganic african feminist (@ztsamudzi) December 16, 2018
We’re taught that love is a war of attrition, that romance is when a woman is worn down by some man’s advances and so eventually says yes. We know love through submission as opposed to an empowering notion of consent.— inorganic african feminist (@ztsamudzi) December 16, 2018
None of these people begging for her to take him back have asked what SHE wants, because what she wants ultimately doesn’t matter at all. It’s humiliating to watch, and I really feel for her and I hope she chooses what she feels is best for her and her kid at the end of the day.— inorganic african feminist (@ztsamudzi) December 16, 2018
(And when it comes to most grand romantic gestures, be they marriage proposals or the antiquated practice of asking the parents for permission to propose to your girlfriend, I share the same position with both @ztsamudzi and Jack Bristow a.k.a. ‘Spy Daddy’ from Alias…)
Throughout the film Doctor Strange a.k.a. Iron Man, Only This Time With Magic And Whitewashing, The Ancient One is trying to teach Dr. Stephen Strange all about magic, how to connect with it, and how to connect with the universe around him so that he can best use his magic and be the Sorcerer Supreme that he’s supposed to be. And (SPOILER ALERT for those of you who haven’t seen this two-year-old film) as The Ancient One is about to die, she imparts one final lesson to Stephen on what he really needs to know so that he can be the hero he needs to be. And that lesson is: It’s not about you. The universe, everything that happens in it, and the magic that is there and available to be used by those who train to do so, they’re not just there to make Strange feel important about himself and what he does. And the problem with too many men is that they’ve been taught and led to believe that who they are and what they want matters and that those are the only and most important things that matter. And that anything that gets in the way of their happiness doesn’t matter. If some SJW-type tells them that they shouldn’t use words like “retarded” or “tranny” because they’re hurtful and offensive, they don’t matter. If someone tells them that there’s really nothing wrong with the way She-Ra looks in her newest incarnation or that Captain Marvel really doesn’t need to smile more, they don’t matter. And if the women in their lives tell them that they don’t need or want public marriage proposals, or that they don’t want to be approached and cat-called while walking down the street or riding the subway or shopping for groceries at their local supermarket, or that they really don’t want to give you their phone number no matter how much you insist that the two of you can still be just friends (“what, your man don’t allow you to have any friends?”), that’s when the women who say “no” and say what they don’t want and will not tolerate, cease to matter at all.
Because these women are then told that they don’t appreciate nice guys and good men who just want to treat them well. That they’re just being politically correct and trying to ruin everyone’s fun. That they’re being uptight and bitchy and just need some good dick to loosen up a little bit. That they’re just playing hard to get and if you’re really persistent in showing them how much you like them, they’ll eventually change their mind and be with you. And when that happens, it usually ends with those same men finding a loaded gun of their choice and using it to kill the women who are not giving them what they want and not caring solely about their happiness. And killing the people who these women share a home or a workplace with. And then when the bullets stop flying, they eventually turn those guns on themselves. And then the Internet is once again divided between those who are angry and grief-stricken but no longer surprised at incidents such as these because incidents such as these happen damn near once a week, those who are angry and grief-stricken and asking once again when major changes will finally be made regarding gun control and men with histories of domestic violence being permitted access to guns because it’s almost always men with histories of domestic violence who eventually go on to do things such as this, and those who think that if these women had just been a little more patient and understanding, or had gone to the police to ask for help, then none of this would’ve happened.
All of that is why Offset’s behavior towards Cardi upset so many people. Because along with the fact that he refused to honor his marriage to her and stay faithful, it’s one more red flag that indicates that he doesn’t respect her boundaries, that he doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, that his feelings matter far more than hers (because we all know that if the situation was reversed and Cardi had been cheating on him with numerous men, he would never consider taking her back and who knows how many profanities he’d send flying in her direction because of that), and that he’s not very good at taking responsibility for his own actions.
And that type of man is not one that Cardi B, or any other woman, needs in her life. Because whether it all ends in violence or not, that type of man will make sure that things can and will get worse before they ever get better. And we have too many examples of women who can’t ever tell us about their relationships with that type of men in their lives. Because those women are dead.
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