Meghan McCain's MAGA Turn Is Because of a Christmas Letter

Gather round this morn, and I shall tell you the tale of how Meghan McCain came to so warmly embrace the man who regularly used her father’s grave as a toilet pot.

It was a frigid December eve in the year 2024. Late into the night, presumably festooned with the libations of grain alcohol and Jell-O, Meghan announced that she concurred with the president-elect’s obsession to annex the Panama Canal or some such shit. For you see, Lord John McCain himself was born along the waterway, and therefore, such land is Meghan’s birthright to bequeath to whomever she deem fit while ordering Uber Eats. (Her next tweet would’ve been “How late is Chipotle open?” Upon this, I stake the life of my children.)

Trump is right about the Panama Canal.

This is very personal - my dad was born in the Panama Canal Zone.

— Meghan McCain (@MeghanMcCain) December 23, 2024

An absolute bitch-monger for flattery, Donald Trump was moved by Meghan’s words, mostly the part about being right. Honestly, he did not read the rest, but they say his ego grew 10 times that day. So, did he declare that a letter shall be written. A Christmas letter for his now dearest friend. Its message was so deep, so heartfelt that, surely, Meghan will recall each intricate display of verbiage to her dying breath.

“I don’t remember exactly what he said,” she told Sage Steele. “It was like, ‘Thank you, Meghan. Thank you for your support. Good luck, from President Trump.’ And I was like, that’s crazy.”

Dear Lord God, it’s like Shakespeare himself tongued Meghan’s eyes with such splendid writ.

Not content with but one sip from this deep well of emotion, Meghan and the president began a regular correspondence. Had he mistaken her for Laura Loomer? Almost certainly. But to Meghan, this was the dawn of a new man. Word of such transformation were slithered into Meghan’s ears by Tulsi Gabbard, who explained the situation with the gravity befitting a woman entrusted with the nation’s most sensitive intelligence.

“She was like, ‘Yeah, he almost died.’ He had his ear like ear blown off or whatever.” (Actual quote.)

Meghan McCain got a personal message from Trump after Christmas — a gesture she called a peace offering. Tulsi Gabbard told her he nearly died… and it changed him.

The full story is even crazier — available now on Youtube. pic.twitter.com/Dke0035aDV

— Sage Steele (@sagesteele) April 9, 2025

Convinced that Donald Trump had skimmed across the surface of the veil and returned an enlightened vessel, Meghan cannonballed into the MAGA waters that had tempted her for so long. Emboldened by this new alliance, Meghan leveraged her status amongst the president’s favored to smite her most sworn enemy: Carrie Coon’s breasts. How dare they challenge the god-king’s Christmas penpal, you prestige television crap sacks!

Yes Carrie, I am "gratified" that the conservative character represented on White Lotus is the responsible, family oriented one not making a fool of herself.

Unlike the progressive liberal you're representing who is sleeping with hotel staff and showing her tits to everyone. https://t.co/wRbv0JG7hN

— Meghan McCain (@MeghanMcCain) April 3, 2025

Let that be a lesson to all manner of yams. There shall be no quarter. The watchful eye of Donald Trump’s holiday muse is upon thee next, Kristi Noem.