JD Vance Wants To Believe (That Aliens Are Actually Demons)

JD Vance and his wife, Usha, have apparently decided that the middle of a wildly reckless war is the perfect time to launch a cutesy media offensive setting the stage for his inevitable presidential run. So, with that in mind, Vance stopped by Benny Johnson’s podcast on Friday to talk about aliens. “But, Mike, didn’t the president recently flip out about Obama doing the same thing and accused of him spilling classified information?” Yes. Yes, he did because, just when you think everything is the dumbest it can possibly be, they keep finding new layers. We’re days away from quarters becoming the fifth food group.

Anyway, according to JD, his top priority as vice president is finding out everything the government knows about aliens. He’s been trying and failing to get out to Area 51, but dangnabbit, he wants answers. Although, don’t chalk it up to scientific curiosity. The Cyrano of Couches doesn’t actually think aliens exist because there’s a perfectly logical explanation: It’s demons. You just got Catholicism’d, dawg.

Via EW:

“I think that the desire to describe everything celestial [as] otherworldly, to describe it as aliens — I mean, every great world religion, including Christianity, the one that I believe in, has understood that there are weird things out there. And there are things that are very difficult to explain,” he said. “And I naturally go, when I hear about sort of extra-natural phenomenon, that’s where I go to, is the Christian understanding.”

What is that understanding in relation to little green men who rocket around on flying saucers, mutilating livestock, and airlifting unwitting corn farmers?

“There’s a lot of good out there, but there’s also some evil out there. And I think that one of the devil’s great tricks is to convince people he never existed,” Vance explained, paraphrasing The Usual Suspects’ Verbal Kint.

Remember earlier when I said just when you think things couldn’t possibly get any dumber, there’s always a new layer? Saying that aliens are not just demons, but a trick of the devil is exactly what I’m talking about. The Vice President of the United States is literally saying magic exists, and not a single person is making sure he doesn’t get within 50 yards of launch codes.

Meanwhile, here’s what Obama said about aliens: “Statistically, the universe is so vast that the odds are good there’s life out there. But the distances between solar systems are so great that the chances we’ve been visited by aliens is low, and I saw no evidence during my presidency that extraterrestrials have made contact with us. Really!”

See? That’s why Democrats are the party of common sense, and I’ll prove it by logging onto Facebook where everyone is obviously saying the same th— oh. Oh no.