Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Andrew Sanford | News | May 15, 2026
I was raised during a time when the action movies of the 80s were playing on my television nonstop. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis were some of the first actors I recognized. Many days in my youth were spent watching Chuck Norris battle gangs and drugs as a Texas Ranger, and then marveling at him firing an Uzi behind enemy lines. For a little kid, all of that wanton destruction was perfect and kept me glued to the TV for hours at a time. SO, imagine my surprise when I fell asleep twenty minutes into The Expendables.
From what I remember, there was a fun action sequence, then, everything slowed to a halt so the guys could have a round table discussion with Mickey Rourke (who I was pretty high on at the time, thanks to The Wrestler), and my eyelids have never gotten heavy faster. It wasn’t an isolated incident, either! My 21-year-old brain assumed that I must have just been too tired (or whacked out on goofballs), so I tried again a few weeks later; Same result. The thing just put me right to sleep.
I thought maybe I’d enjoy the second one more, since it brought in Chuck Norris (for a scene he was definitely with everyone else for, and not just shot out separately), and while I didn’t fall asleep, I was bored out of my mind, and haven’t watched it again, nor did I try to tackle the next two movies. Hell, I was floored that there even were two more movies. What did not surprise me was that Hollywood has seemed intent on making an all-female spinoff for the franchise, because that’s actually a good idea.
A big part of my issue with the first two films (aside from them being insanely boring) is that most of the dialogue is just Guy One says, “This thing that’s a metaphor for my dick is big,” and then, Guy Two says, “Looks pretty small to me, but this metaphor for my dick is huge.” Boom. That’s the movie, and the franchise. It’s exhausting. And, I think if you have an all-female cast, you’ll be able to avoid those traps. There can still be conflict among the team, but it won’t revolve around who is the most macho.
Unfortunately, a female Expendables movie has not worked out despite multiple efforts. If I remember correctly, there was, at one point, going to be a movie called The Expendabelles that would have seen Meryl Streep, Cameron Diaz, and Milla Jovovich team up. That’s a great lineup! But it fell through. There have been attempts to revive the project several times, but nothing has worked. It likely doesn’t help that an executive behind the project was once quoted as saying there was an issue “trying to find a way to justify why we’d have a woman team.” Yeah, dude, it seems real tough, cause it’s not like they can just… be a female team of super mercenaries or whatever.
Well, Lionsgate, which owns the Expendables rights, is trying to get The Expendabelles off the ground once again, with a movie set to take place in the late 90s, according to THR. And, honestly, good! Hell, talk to Meryl again. Get Cameron. Milla should be the villain, but I’ll take her in it regardless. Then, you still have a wealth of incredible actresses to choose from who could out-act the entire cast of the franchise with ease (not that it would be difficult because they’re all usually as sleepy as I am). This shouldn’t be that hard, and it’s embarrassing that it has been.
