Candace Cameron Bure Went to a Grown-Up Hug Party

This may come as a shock, but I have never hosted a soirée for, shall we say, mommy and daddy time. Collectible figurines really aren’t the vibe for those sort of things. (If they are though, holler at your boy. I’m on all of the platforms.) That said, I’m pretty sure inviting Candace Cameron Bure in her evangelical era would be a non-starter. Kimmy Gibbler? Oh, sure. DJ telling everyone Jesus is watching? Yeah, I don’t want to kink-shame, but hard pass.

Well, turns out someone made that mistake. During the latest episode of her podcast, Bure shared an anecdote that makes me wonder if she and her husband have actual friends who know a single thing about them. Like, for instance, who Candace’s brother is. Google is free!

Via EW:

Bure, 49, recounted a “shameful” experience once when she accepted a friend’s invitation to a party in an effort to be “cool.” But when the actress and her husband, former professional hockey player Valeri Bure, walked in, the festivities were absolutely sinful.

“It ended up being this underground party that was an S&M, like, sex thing that was so dark and demonic,” Bure told Prewett. “My eyeballs were popping out of my head because I saw stuff I had never seen before in my life. And I’m looking at Val, going like, ‘How are we here? What is happening?’”

According to Bure, she and her husband “made a hard U-turn” (Oh, so they did participate?) before leaving and vowing not to make plans with that “friend” again. More importantly, yes, we’re all thinking the same thing: Her husband took a stab at some freaky sh*t. Not for nothing, the couple almost divorced in 2020, and a surprise sex party will do that. I’m not the world’s best husband, but I know not to try that one.

Here’s the real twist though. While Candace Cameron Bure’s exact brand of evangelicalism is responsible for the current state of America, I honestly feel bad for her. She actually unpacks some things on her podcast that holy wives shouldn’t worry their pretty little heads about. For starters, she’s rightly freaked out by the notion of God watching her in the bedroom, which according to her beliefs, does happen.

Then there’s this hot potato, which again, is a pretty taboo topic:

Bure was only 20 when she married the Russian-born NHL player after two years of dating (fun fact: they were introduced by her Full House costar Dave Coulier). “Purity culture,” as she explained it, expected her to be a virgin until her wedding night.

“And it was a little… I don’t want to quite use the word shameful, but there were parts of it that felt shameful because I went from not being a sexual person to [people] saying, like, now you can do whatever you want,” she confessed. “And so it felt weird. There wasn’t a good bridge there.”

According to Bure, she’s tried to be more open with her kids about “this area,” which is yet another surprise. We’re talking about a woman who literally believes scary movies turn your TV into a demonic portal, and here she is realizing that her particular brand of faith has some blind spots that will mess you right up.

That kind of questioning is generally frowned upon because you can’t have people tugging at the table cloth where the house of cards is built. Best for everyone to die ashamed of their own bodies, mainly just the women though.