Candace Cameron Bure Thinks TVs Are 'Demonic' Portals

It’s been a while since Candace Cameron Bure has put her foot in her mouth, so you’ll be delighted to know that she’s back to make it very clear that, yes, Kirk Cameron turned her into the nuttiest of evangelical nutjobs. Although, in this day and age of unbridled racism and bigotry, it’s almost quaint to see a viewpoint that harkens back to the Salem Witch Trials — until you remember that all of these things make up the rich Republican stew being shoved down our gullets.

Anyway, during the latest episode of her podcast, Candace revealed that her family isn’t allowed to have scary movies or video games on her TV because it will open a portal to hell. Yup. But don’t worry, she’s in the industry, you guys. Candace knows it’s all make-believe, but she also knows that’s what the demons want you to think before they’re crawling through the flatscreen you got on Black Friday. She’s seen it a hundred times …

Via Variety:

“Like if you’re watching this, or you’re playing this video game, or whatever, that’s a portal that could let stuff inside our home,” Bure said. “I don’t even want someone watching a scary movie in our house on the TV, because to me, that’s just a portal.”

….

“Listen, I’m in the film industry,” Bure added. “I understand how it all works. I know that movie has a crew of 200 people, and they’re lighting it, and they’re adding the sound effects, and it’s makeup, and the camera, people, and actors. However, there’s still something that can be incredibly demonic while they’ve made it.”

What’s it like to live in a house like this? It sucks. It absolutely sucks. Growing up, I had a neighbor across the street who was the same age as me, which was awesome for me. For him, not so much, thanks to my brother and me being raised like Rod and Tod Flanders. (In fact, they’re actually way cooler than us because at least they became sexy jacked gays while I’m a boring normie dad and my brother went MAGA.) One day, my neighbor buddy came over wearing a Metallica T-shirt with two skulls on it. My mom did not love this! Later that night, I was being a stupid kid and acting up because, you know, my brain was still growing. As you can tell by me bringing it up over 30 years later, my mom said something that stuck in the ol’ noggin. She looked at me and said, “I think a demon came in on the neighbor kid’s shirt.”

For the record, she was dead serious. How do I know this? Because she kept a photocopied packet of Satanic symbols in the kitchen cupboard. That thing haunted my childhood. So many toys, albums, you name it went out the window for having pagan imagery or some sh*t. I got into Magic the Gathering when it first started hitting KB Toys and roped my brother into playing because, well, you need someone to play with. When she found those puppies, she went through the roof and accused me of luring my brother into witchcraft. I literally had to burn the cards in the backyard.

To bring this therapy session to a close, this kind of thinking is why I balk at anyone who blames the Democrats for everything wrong in this country as if there isn’t a major political party — that currently controls all three branches of the federal government, by the way — that bases their vote on supernatural horsesh*t. You’re not going to win these people over with kitchen table issues or even universal healthcare. They think demons are turning kids transgender, and the only thing you can do is vote against them every single time. That’s it.

So this post isn’t a total downer, at least one Full House star is fighting the good fight. Not only did Jodie Sweetin show up for Pride, but she also took to the streets to protest ICE in LA. That’s right. Stephanie Tanner has a message for illegal deportations: “How rude.”

I’ll go lay in traffic now. I don’t know why I did that, but I’m sure opening that childhood box back there didn’t help. What the (portal to) hell, Mike?