With Thanksgiving right around the corner, my mind has been turning to thoughts of sumptuously roasted meats, fluffy mashed potatoes, golden, buttery stuffing, and almost-too sweet pecan pie. You could say my mind and my tummy are primed and ready for feasting. So don’t let me read about a delicious Moroccan rice dish this week and then tell me there were human teeth in it, ok? Well fuck me, I guess, because that’s just what happened. Only the teeth weren’t actually in the dish. Just the flesh of some jilted woman’s boyfriend. The teeth were actually found in her blender. I’ll try to explain but unfortunately, this story serves up (sorry, not sorry) more questions than it does answers.
The details are sparse due in part to this crime having been committed in the UAE several months ago. According to The National, a Moroccan woman living in the UAE has been accused of butchering her boyfriend and serving his remains to “nearby workers” cooked up in a dish of machboos, a rice dish similar to a biryani. Gulf News adds that what the construction workers didn’t eat, she threw to the dogs.
Police said the Moroccan woman was arrested on suspicion of killing her boyfriend of seven years after he told her he planned to marry another from their home country. Officers would not reveal how she killed him but said she served his remains as machboos
Ears or shrimp? I don’t know anymore?!?!
Moroccan Mrs. Lovett was found out after her boyfriend was reported missing by his brother. The brother had gone looking for him at her house, but she said she hadn’t seen him since she kicked him out of the house for revealing that he planned to marry somebody else. When the police paid her a visit, they found a human tooth in her blender.
The woman is said to have confessed that she used a blender to mince her former partner’s flesh then cooked it with machboos, before serving it to a group of Pakistani workers who lived nearby.
After DNA tests confirmed the tooth belonged to the man, the woman was arrested.
Look, I have an OK blender. It’s nothing fancy, but it does a fine job. Soft fruits, hell yes. Hot soups, absolutely. Milk and ice cream, a delight. Ice cubes? Things get a little dicey. A human skull? Not a fucking chance. Even if I could get the thing broken down sufficiently to fit in the bowl, one tough piece of nose and the motor’s shot.
I mean, say she did the work and got just the head meat scraped in there. Sounds wildly inefficient, but let’s say it’s possible. Maybe there was some poetic justice in disposing of him in that way. Maybe he was always harping on her to make him a smoothie and so she was muttering “I’ll make you a smoothie, alright” as she was doing it. This still does not answer the question: WHY WAS THERE A TOOTH STILL IN THERE? Did she miss it in the first wash? Got stuck under the blades and she couldn’t be bothered to dig it out with a knife or something? At any rate, the woman claims the murder was done “during a moment of insanity,” but it seems like there were a number of such moments if her next thought was “at least I don’t have to go to the market”.
A friend of the woman who was questioned in the matter said that while she didn’t witness any crime, she did notice that there were a number of blood stains in the woman’s house. The woman also had help from another friend (or maybe it was the same friend, the reporting is unclear) with disposing of the body. Which in this case meant figuring out some way to get a man’s head in a blender and then finding just the right recipe for revenge. That’s a good friend. So yes, an appalling crime has occurred, but you have to award some points for ingenuity.
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