When Netflix officially announced that it cancelled The Punisher, we almost got away with it. God, we were so close. The money was in the bag, the guards were down, and we were two feet away from the car. It was the perfect plan.
Until the smart-brains happened.
And the hits just kept on coming. One by one, good-thinkers were catching wise to our now-obvious liberal scheme to cancel The Punisher while still leaving the character available for Disney to use at a later date exactly as is. How did they figure it out? We were so careful, and in hindsight, maybe that was our downfall. You don’t go up against master detectives who comment on local news stories on Facebook and expect them not to see through your smokescreen. It was pure hubris, so I guess it’s time to come clean.
Here’s how we did it: When Jon Bernthal’s version of The Punisher debuted in the second season of Daredevil, our gun-grabbing cabal was alarmed, but not like totally alarmed. We obviously enjoy violent, gun-toting Marvel characters with military backgrounds like Captain America and the Winter Soldier, but there’s always been a chance those two might kiss because everyone knows Disney is gay now. (See: Jedi, The Last) However, The Punisher has a skull on his chest, which clearly triggers us right in the soy. We can’t maintain a Deep State shadow government and use Hollywood to turn America into a bunch of politically correct pussies if our soy count is low. That’s just science. So, in April 2016, Netflix announced that The Punisher would get its own series, and that’s when we moved.
The plan? Convince Disney to announce it’s launching its own streaming service and start a battle over intellectual properties that result in Netflix canceling every single Marvel show out of frustration. This will give the appearance of The Punisher being just another casualty of the “streaming war” and not arouse suspicion that it was actually canceled by Pinkos who hate America.
Obviously, Disney was immediately onboard because it’s no secret that they’re a bunch of beta-cucks who only make movies with black guys and/or chicks to accelerate the white male genocide. They showed us a whole PowerPoint and everything. From there, it was simply a waiting game as Netflix slowly got pissed and started axing Marvel series. For the sake of appearances, we publicly enjoyed some of the shows and even acted dismayed when they were dusted.
Make no mistake, this was all part of our moist-handed leftwing plot to cancel The Punisher.
And let me tell you what, when the day came, it couldn’t have been sweeter after the season two finale. Frank Castle randomly mowing down a bunch of PoC teens in cold blood? That’s way too much pure American awesome for us to handle. Our liberal tears almost backed up into our eyes killing us dead. Fortunately, we put a stop to this incredible display of proud gun ownership, and it didn’t hurt having an inside man.
“Should there be a way that a guy with mental issues like the asshole in Texas can’t get guns? Absolutely. We have to have a dialogue, and that’s not happening.” I noted that the Punisher’s symbol, a skull with long fangs, has been spotted on military helmets in Iraq and biker jackets, and was seen on the shoulders of alt-right protesters at the white-supremacy rally in Charlottesville, Virginia.
“I feel honored to play a guy who people putting their life on the line identify with,” Bernthal said.
And the alt-righters?
The virtue signal was coming from inside the house.
Header Image Source: Marvel/Netflix