Most Popular Movie In Netflix History Includes Taylor Lautner Being Fellated by a Donkey
Netflix is a super popular service that everyone with an Internet connection subscribes to, so popular that even those boring people who wear sport jackets to wine tastings and masturbate to Enya and say they don’t watch television subscribe, because Netflix doesn’t count as television to them on a technicality because it’s not actually on the boob tube, it’s boobs on their phones and their Ipads and skinny laptops.
So based on math and common sense and a little bit of spit, it must take a whole lot of people with skinny laptops to make a movie the most popular movie ever of all time on Netflix in under 30 days, right? Because that’s what happened last month, when Adam Sandler and his circle-jerky bros decided to make a movie about Native Americans and change all the Native American names to funny-sounding body parts that you play with when no one is looking.
Yes, according to Netflix CEO Reed Hastings and chief content officer Ted Sarandos, who live in bad neighborhoods so they can laugh at the poors overlooking their verandas made of the gold teeth of the children whose parents used to work for Blockbuster, that’s exactly what happened with Ridiculous Six, a movie that includes a scene where Taylor Lautner gets blown by a donkey.
The Ridiculous Six has been seen more times in 30 days than any other movie in Netflix history. “It’s also enjoyed a spot at number one in every territory we operate in, and in many of them it’s still number one,” Sarandos added, before muttering under his breath that every territory in the world has enough low-brow dummies to sustain Adam Sandler’s career until the sun burns out.
“Adam believes his audience is mostly at home and he’s probably right,” Sarandos said in a recent interview with Variety, before adding that most of them are at home because they’ve given up on life which is why they found themselves watching The Ridiculous Six over the Christmas break.
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