8 Movies to Watch on Netflix When You've Been Struck Down by the Plague
Flu season is upon is, which is bad news for me, because I have contracted a case of the most pernicious, most detestable of illnesses: a mild case of the sniffles. Let me just say thank God my ailments are all mental, because when I get even the mildest cold, I’m instantly transformed into the most thin-skinned wimp since Donald Trump. It’s full Lilo, lying on the ground, “Leave me alone to die.”
Given that I expect most of you, barring those who have sold their souls to Satan, will come down with something over the coming months, I’ve decided to put together this list of movies to watch on the ‘flix when you’re home alone, unwashed and miserable, with snot dripping down your face. Requirements: Has to be fun, or fun-ish, and (the absolutely critical one) CANNOT REQUIRE ANY THOUGHT WHATSOEVER. Feel free to write your own suggestions in the comments and also to send me chicken soup before I die. Thank you.
A new addition to Netflix, Zootopia at one point features dancing tigers in booty shorts, which are sure to be fun for your flu-delirious self (or if you are a Furry, NO JUDGMENTS). It also has more to say than you might expect about race relations and Donald Trump’s America (spoilers at the link), not that “will make you think about Donald Trump” is necessarily a selling point when you already feel like death. It’s a cute li’l movie, though. Also, secret cannibalism.
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
If you’re tired of your sore nose and snot dripping down the back of your throat and life, and you want to commit hara-kiri by movie, this is your go-to, because Love, Actually is terrible.
The Finest Hours
The Finest Hours is by no means a great movie—it came out last January and swiftly sunk into the ocean, much like the ship whose crew Bahston Chris Pine is tasked with rescuing, HEY-OHHHHHH—but it is a perfectly serviceable Dad movie that doesn’t require you to think too much while you’re hacking up your damn lung. Eric Bana’s in it. It’s all good.
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
A miniseries, not a movie, but Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell is on Netflix, why have you not watched it yet? It’s based on a book by Susanna Clarke that’s most frequently described as “Harry Potter meets Jane Austen,” and yeah, that’s about right. That guy from that thing plays Childermass, man-of-business to one of the main wizards, who’s kind of like Snape except not a Nice Guy asshole.
The Princess Bride
Take Brideshead Revisited. Set it in Manhattan’s Upper East Side and make the LGBT factor explicit (as opposed to “Hmmmmmmm is this book about a gay dude? Yes but also PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY, living in the early 20th century, oh such fun!”), and you have writer/director Joey Kuhn’s Those People, about a giggly little college kid, Charlie (Jonathan Gordon), who’s in love in a really bad, codependent way with his rich BFF Sebastian (The Magicians’ Jason Ralph). Charles and Sebastian—I told you it was Brideshead! Anyway, Those People can get a little soapy and overdramatic, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s a positive when you’re lying on your bed, surrounded by dirty Kleenex, waiting to death to take you.
Adieu from Hell.
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