When I started the Fuckening*, I would have sworn on the lives of my parents’ two dogs (more valuable than my own life, TBH) that either Peggy Carter
or Poe Dameron
would win the whole damn thing. It was damn near inconceivable than both of them would get taken out. Thank you, Pajiba readers, for teaching me a lesson that I had inexcusably forgotten: One must never underestimate the raw sexual power of young Harrison Ford. With 781 votes to 614, Indiana Jones won by a comfortable margin.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t take a moment to honor those who came before, the hopefuls whose Fuckening presence brought both boners and sadness into our lives. Cue the music:
(*Title credit to Your Highness, the movie where James Franco is sexually molested by a stoned Muppet. Giving the world the term “the Fuckening” is the only good thing you ever did.)
Thanks to everyone who voted! Even those of you who voted wrong. I hope you had a happy Fuckening.