Many residents on the East Coast of these here United States felt their first earthquake today. A 5.9 magnitude earthquake with an epicenter in Virginia rocked the area for…what was that? 30 seconds? Oh and, according to the NYT, “China shattered and pictures fell off walls.” Okay kittens. Is everyone safe? Good. Well excuse us California peeps our snickering. I know, I know. It was scary! You weren’t prepared. We’ll here’s a few tips so next time you won’t look quite so, um, delicate.
Consult Your Local Physician.
Listen To Your Political Leaders, They’re Here For You.
Adopt A Confident, Rosie The Riveter, “We Can Do It” Attitude.
Pay No Attention To These Chicks, Go UNDER The Desk, Not On Top Of It
Don’t Be So Uptight, Let Loose.
In Fact, Employ The Crazy Eyes, Everyone Will Get The F*ck Outta Your Way Come Evacuation Times.
Get To A Clear, Open Area. Avoid Trees (And Smoke Monsters).
Now, More Than Ever, Is The Time For See-Through Pants.
Or, You Know, No Pants.
There’s A Hush During An Earthquake. A Calm Right Before The Panic. My Advice? Enjoy The Silence.
Joanna Robinson is genuinely glad no one is hurt and is sorry Dustin and his boy are out and about today. Please accept this subpar Gif-ing and go here to see the Master Gif-er at work.