Normally, the week’s roundup of people we need to tell to go fuck themselves comes on Thursdays or Fridays. But this week, we’re already so backloaded with awful people that we have to declog early. We’ve already gotten Hulk Hogan and Shia LaBeouf out of the way, so let’s just jump right in. Fuck all these people:
—Donald Trump, forever and always. But now also fuck his lawyer, for threatening to sue The Daily Beast for digging up a story from 1989 in which Ivana Trump detailed being raped by her then-husband. The lawyer unleashed a totally insane rant on the reporter, threatening him and the Daily Beast, saying (among other things) that the story was groundless because “by the very definition, you can’t rape your spouse.”
He’s since apologized for being “inarticulate.” No apology yet for being a piece of human fucking garbage.
—Sarah Palin, for posting this disgusting tweet:
—While we’re on the subject, fuck the group that hacked into Planned Parenthood and is threatening to release the personal information of its employees. And fuck those heavily edited weird-ass videos that try to make Planned Parenthood look like murderous, greedy abortion profiteers.
—Fuck NBC for moving Hannibal to Saturday nights. (And, obviously, for canceling it in the first place.)
—I know Dustin says ‘f*ck that guy’ about this kid on True Detective:
But I think that kid is the best. He just wants to watch Friends and eat a sandwich! That’s the most interesting thing that’s happened this season! So instead, fuck Nic Pizolatto for trying to pass this mumbly nonsense off as cliff-hanging dialogue:
—And finally, fuck that American dentist who paid $55,000 to lure Cecil the beloved the lion out of her protected Zimbabwe national park in order to kill and mutilate him. Fuck that guy so hard.