'Draco Malfoy Is a Straight Up F*ck Boy' & Other Highlights From Pete Davidson's 'Harry Potter' Marathon

By Vivian Kane | Miscellaneous | May 22, 2015 |

By Vivian Kane | Miscellaneous | May 22, 2015 |

Don’t you ever just wish you could spend a weekday doing nothing but watching Harry Potter and yelling about it on the internet? If so, Pete Davidson from SNL is living your dream. Now, Pete knows what you’re thinking. Doesn’t he, a grown-ass man, have better things to do than spend a whole day tweeting about a 13-year-old movie?

People asking me "don't you have something better to do than live tweet Harry Potter movies?" No, no I don't.

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Or maybe you’re wondering how he managed to reach adulthood without having seen the Harry Potter movies. Well, joke’s on you. He’s seen them a bunch.

Of course not. I've seen each Harry Potter movie at least 4 times https://t.co/MmV3q8iEZ1

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Apparently he just wanted another, more public viewing, presumably for the near-sole purpose of pointing out who in the movies are “fuck boys.” (Spoiler: it’s basically everyone.)

Draco Malfoy is a straight up fuck boy

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Harry is at Hogwarts for 2 days and already becomes the Seeker. Muthafuckas a legend

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Now, keep in mind this is only a SAMPLING of Pete’s marathon tweets.

Oh no big deal. Just 11 year old Harry Potter just fucked up a giant troll and saved Hermiones life. FUCKING LEGEND.

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Put a spell on my broom stick during Quidditch ? No fucking problem says Harry Potter as he catches the golden snitch with his mouth.

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Dumbledore catches Harry out past curfew lookin at the mirror. He dont get him in trouble, he chills with him cuz he knows what the fucks up

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Draco tried to rat out Harry and the gang for goin to Hagrids but ended up getting detention as well. Professor McGonagall is a true G.

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Voldermort asks Harry to join him. Harry says suck my dick you ain't getting the sorcerer's stone.

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Harry wins. Gryffindor wins. Voldermort ain't shit. See ya next year Hogwarts

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

But what is a grown man coming down off of his first season at Saturday Night Live going to do— only watch ONE Harry Potter movie? Amateur hour.

Time to watch Chamber of Secrets

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Ron shows up in a flying car like a muthafuckin boss to break Harry out of the Dursleys house. Its a success. Also its Harrys birthday. Swag

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

All the girls are swooning over Gilderoy Lockhart the new teacher at Hogwarts but I can already tell he's a fuck boy

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

We meet Dracos fuck boy father. Luscious fuck boy Malfoy. He's a dick like his son and he slipped a book into Ginny Weasley's cauldron.

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Professor Snape wants 2 get Harry and Ron expelled but it not gon happen cuz Dumbledore and McGonagall r rad as fuck and its their decision

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Filch cat has been petrified. Chaos is about to muthafuckin ensue

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Someone put a curse on a bludger and Harry still fuckin catches the golden snitch even with a broken arm and wins Quidditch. FUCKING LEGEND

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

That annoying little fuck that takes pictures just got petrified. Hogwarts is no longer safe. Fuck

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Gilderoy Lockhart is such a pussy it's like stop it already. The whole school knows you suck

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Harry can now talk to snakes. Everyone is creeped out. I'm not. Just wish Harry knew how to talk to bitches as well

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Luscious fuck boy Malfoy aka Dracos dad just got Dumbledore suspended from Hogwarts but Dumbledore took it like a G.He aint worried bout nun

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Ginny Weasley was jus taken down to the Chamber of Secrets where it said her bones will lie there forever. It. Just. Got. Fuckin. Personal.

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

The Chamber of Secrets was located in the girls bathroom this whole time and Moaning Murtle never said shit. Fuckin bitch coulda saved time

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Harry fucked up and killed the basilisk but got bit. He's dying but then that bird comes back and cries tears of a G on Harry and saves him

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Harry freed Dobby from the Malfoy family by giving him a dirty ass sock. Then Dobby and Harry made Luscious look like a pussy. Swag

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Voldemort is defeated again. Dumbledore is back at Hogwarts and once again Harry saves the day and is a muthafuckin legend.

— Pete Davidson (@petedavidson) May 21, 2015

Pete may not know what he’s doing on SNL, but at least he has something he’s great at. Calling Harry Potter characters f*ck boys and p*ssies.

Via Uproxx.