When Dustin first asked me to take on this little project I was actually quite flattered. I was thinking that he did actually like me as a person and not just because I swear a lot and have access to various types of moose meat as well as an extensive portfolio of pictures which I am never above using for blackmail. Now, in hindsight, I realize that it is all just an effort to push me to the very limits of my sanity. I should probably mention that I’m already dangerously close to that particular precipice so you never know what tiny little item may just be the last straw. Really, if you guys should happen to hear about a Canadian male going on a whiskey and blubber fueled murder spree while naked and brandishing a harpoon, you’ll know I’ve officially reached my point of no return.
Internet memes are a fucking bastard of a thing to experience at 8am on a Monday morning. In my defense, I was doing some research for a future inane rambling that I intend on trying to sneak past Pajiba Quality Control, when I stumbled upon this affront to the human condition. I swear that the only reason there isn’t a national manhunt on right now and you’re not seeing security camera footage of my sweet, naked ass and an abundance of Canadiwang is because some of the shows and movies contained in this abomination would actually benefit from the presence of these two.
I’m pretty sure if Bieber and Hanks’ hair got together it would spawn some evil cross between a Bigfoot, a yak and Cousin It that would have to consume the souls of small children and sad puppy eyes as sustenance. Then again, it might just birth the next pop music sensation. Man I hate Monday.