No longer, folks, do we need to bother with tedious exercise or painful diets. We can load up on Chipotle burritos to our hearts content and make up for all those extra calories by doing what we already love to do: Watch horror films.
Indeed, according to a study commissioned by movie rental company LOVEFiLM, we can erase those unsightly love handles by simply watching the Saw series. On a loop. Every day for the rest of our lives.
“As the pulse quickens and blood pumps around the body faster, the body experiences a surge in adrenaline,” said Dr. Richard McKenzie, a specialist in cell metabolism and physiology at Westminster.
“It is this release of fast acting adrenaline, produced during short bursts of intense stress (or in this case, brought on by fear), which is known to lower the appetite, increase the Basal Metabolic Rate and ultimately burn a higher level of calories.”
Cool! According to the study, the average person could lose the same amount of calories watching a 90-minute film as they could a 30-minute walk. Indeed, watching Kubrick’s The Shining burns 184 calories.
But then again, you can lose about 130 calories simply by sitting on your ass for two hours and staring at a wall. But hey! 25 extra calories an hour, and all you have to do is watch Eli Roth’s greatest hits? It’s totally worth the extra half of a nonfat yogurt you can splurge on.
I love you, Science, for giving us the illusion that wasting money on Silent Hill 2 is good for our figure. This is the best news I’ve heard since finding out that I can lose an extra 100 calories for every hour I have sex. The pounds just MELT off.