Typically I like to provide a good ol’ thirst trap on Fridays, because this year sucks and we deserve it. But this week I’m bringing you pure, filtered raaaaage courtesy of—wait for it—Fox News, which published an op-ed by Suzanne Venker titled “Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love.”
Now, “a crop of alpha women who are unable to love” sounds, to my mostly-asexual ears, pretty fucking awesome. A heist movie about badass women, kicking ass and not getting involved in romantic entanglements? Bring it. Bring it all the way over to my eyeballs. But Venker doesn’t agree with me, because of this little thing called “internalized misogyny.” The whole piece is garbage. Its premise is that the Gentler Sex has of late gotten too damn masculine, the result of a cultural shift that grooms women “to be leaders rather than to be wives.”
“That may get them ahead at work,” Venker condescendingly opines. “But when it comes to love, it will land them in a ditch.”
The solution is that women should be nicer to their male overlords and not be the sort of harridan bitch that tells their man what to do like she thinks she’s an equal partner in the relationship or something. Shit was just so much better in Leave it to Beaverland. Here are some choice excerpts:
With my mother, everything was a fight. Everything was “No” unless she determined it was appropriate to say yes. If my mother wasn’t the one who made the decision, the decision couldn’t possibly be good. Every so often she would appear to cede to my father’s wishes, but only if she happened to agree with him.
Every relationship requires a masculine and a feminine energy to thrive.
As a man named Chuck once wrote on my site: “A strong woman is awesome. But she must be inviting and be able to mesh into an actual relationship. Needing to dominate and overpower, that is a no go.”
It’s when you’re citing random Internet commenters that you know your argument really holds water.
What men want most of all is respect, companionship and sex. If you supply these basics, your husband will do anything for you—slay the dragons, kill the beast, work three jobs, etc. Men will happily do this if, and only if, they are loved well in return. It is when men are not loved well that problems arise.
If he makes stupid choices, such as getting repeatedly drunk, it’s his job to own up to that behavior and stop it. Same goes for his emotional outbursts, if he has them, or his not coming home when he said he would. Or even his having an affair.
GASSSSSP. Suzanne, what? EVEN HIS HAVING AN AFFAIR may not be the fault of your lady brain? Surely you’ve gone too far.
Your husband’s actions are more often than not reactions. He’s reacting to something you said or did, or to something you didn’t say or didn’t do. He’s reacting to your moods, your gestures, your inflections and your tone. That’s how men are. Your husband wants you to be happy, and when he sees it isn’t working he thinks he’s failed. That’s when he acts out.
Hurr durr, men have the emotional intelligence of toddlers, women have to do all the work, sitcom sitcom Kevin James.
I’m an alpha all day long, and it gets tiresome. I concede that I thrive on it; but at the end of the day, I’m spent. Self-reliance is exhausting. Making all the decisions is exhausting. Driving the car, literally or figuratively, is exhausting.
Well now I’m just sad. This Fifty Shades spinoff is boring.
Alpha Women Who Are Unable to Love party in the comments, y’all.