I Wouldn't Wear That, Not For All The Gold In Gringotts: Ranking Harry Potter Premiere Fashion From Best To Worst
Earlier today in Trafalgar Square, London there was a ginormous hullabaloo surrounding the premiere of the last Harry Potter film. Love them, hate them, disregard them, you can’t deny that this series has made a big (though not dark) mark on pop culture. It’s the end of an era, as they say. As such, the stars of the films got all gussied up to attend the film and give their fans one last feast for the eyes. Some fans were so dedicated, in fact, that they camped out and braved the famed London summer sunshine to catch a glimpse.
You, you lucky Muggles, get to see it all from the cozy confines of your home or office. So here, broken down by gender, are the best and worse of the Harry Potter fashion. By the way, lest you question my credentials in terms of being qualified to judge fashion, I will remind you that I attended the Hogwarts School of Having Eyes And An Opinion, so, cram it. [ETA: Thanks to Jay we’ve got some new/better photos and a bonus ginger!]
The Warlocks: Most of the gents, both young and old, brought the understated dapper. In fact the Hogwarts Express Train for Men chugs along admirably until it grinds to a greasy, unkempt halt. It’s…well you’ll see. Here we go, best to worst:
Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy): Oh I know, the pointing is cheeseball, but there’s something about this whole look that does it for me. I think the red detailing on the belt pushed this one into first place for me.
Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy): Because holy h*ll does Tom Felton look good. Maybe Draco would have beat his father to #1 if he had been a bit more selective with his arm candy. Is she someone famous? Jade Olivia? She looks Mail-Order to me…
Ralph Fiennes (Voldemort): Yup, being bad looks very good.
Daniel Radcliffe (You Know Who): I know Dan is wee and young, but why does he ALWAYS look like he dresses out of the boys department? The vest is just…a little too teeny for my taste.
Matthew Lewis (Neville “Totally Heroic” Longbottom): I wanted to rank Lewis higher (his arm candy is certainly better than Felton’s) but there’s something a little too fusty about the chain on the vest and the sharp pleats in the pants. Love you, Neville!
Alan Rickman (Snape, Snape, Severus Snape)
Michael Gambon (Dumbledore!)
Warwick Davis (Like all the shorter characters. No, seriously, look it up. He has, like, five roles.): I love the black tie on black shirt look. I think it’s very sharp.
James and Oliver Phelps (The Weasley Twins): Do you think they drew straws when deciding who would wear which color? I think they look adorable.
Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley): Rupert, you know I love you, but what is with the snakeskin/spiderweb motif on your blazer? It looks cheesy and costumey and not at all good.
Plus, man, the hair is bad.
Jamie Campbell Bower (Young Grindelwald): COME ON. JCB is better known to folks as emo Arthur from the freshly cancelled “Camelot” and is also engaged (right? I believe so) to Bonnie Wright (aka Ginny Weasley). Oddly, she was never once caught posing with him. If they’re broken up, okay. Otherwise, I imagine, it’s because he looks like he smells worse than Polyjuice Potion.
Correction! They did pose together. Thanks, Jay! Careful, Bonnie, it’s impossible to get grease stains out of satin.
The Witches: There was a weird floral motif among the Potter ladies. Is that in right now? Flowers? Shut up, I’m totally qualified to talk fashion! Anyway, the most important thing to know is Helena Bonham Carter did not disappoint me. From best to worst, the womenfolk:
Emma Watson (Hermione Granger): Grand f*cking slam, Ms. Granger. She looks like a total princess, as well she should.
She also looks like she’s just having the best time. These photos made me grin.
Emma’s Hair: I’m on record as not loving this hair, it’s true, but I can admit that in this instance, it looks pretty swelegant.
Bonnie Wright (Ginny Weasley): I know a lot of folks aren’t fond of satin for formal events (note the lap creases) and there is something a little prim about the neckline and sleeve-length of Wright’s gown. But I think the color is absolute perfection with her hair and she looks beautiful.
Helen McCrory (Narcissa Malfoy): Fabulous dress even more fabulous arm candy (her husband and delightful non-Weasley ginger Damian Lewis).
Clémence Poésy (Fleur Delacour): Not my favorite character, not my favorite pose, but you can’t deny how cute she looks.
Evanna Lynch (Luna Lovegood): Similar short little dress, which I actually like better than Poésy’s, but I’m not a fan of the severe shoes.
Dame Maggie Smith (Minerva McGonagall): Unlike the gents, the older ladies have a rougher time on the red carpet. Not everyone can do what Helen Mirren does. That being said, I sort of love the neru/scarf thing Dame Maggie is rocking.
Helena Bonham Carter (Bellatrix Lestrange): Seriously, lady, you never disappoint. If anyone else were wearing this, I would scoff, but HBC can do whatever she damn well pleases.
Imelda Staunton (Dolores Umbridge): Hem, hem. Looking pretty fierce, lady.
Julie Walters (Mrs. Weasley): I’m afraid Julie Walters looks a little too casual for my taste. I’m not opposed to the trousers, per se (Dame Maggie is probably wearing trousers in that other picture, though I don’t know for certain), but Walters looks a little too “sporty separates.” Where’s the sense of occasion?
Miriam Margolyes (Professor Sprout): Ah, but the occasion is not a costume party and poor Miriam Margolyes looks like Rowling’s description of magical folk trying to go incognito. No no no.
Natalia Tena (Tonks): HOLY DONNA MARTIN is this uncute.
J.K. Rowling: Oh, Jo, this is your DAY. This is a very big and important day. You should look so fabulous. Not sofa-bulous. I am. I am appalled.