Can you believe this? First, they let same-sex couples MARRY in OUR UNITED STATES of AMERICA, then they let some gay fella host The Tony Awards, which goes against everything that Broadway musicals are about, then they let that same gay fella host the Emmy Awards, tainting our beloved TEEVEE, and there’s a gay couple who almost smooch every week in Modern Family, A FAMILY SITCOM, and then we find out that there was a homosexual breaking out of jail in Prison Break (jailbreaks are a strictly straight man’s preoccupation!), and they let the new Spock be played by a GAY guy. Spock can’t be gay! He’s a Vulcan breeder, who only gets horny every seven years or something. And that guy on Scandal who does all the torturing? GAY!
Unbelievable. Next thing you know, there’ll be GAY HIP HOP STARS rapping about loving up on other men ON MY RADIO.
But now you’ve gone too far, America! Today we find out that a woman formerly from the WNBA, who has been co-anchoring Good Morning America for years is a lady lover! Robin Roberts — who has had two bouts of cancer and survived (them lady lovers are tough) — came out as a homersectual on Facebook, the very same website where me and my kin exchange squirrel recipes. She’s also apparently been in a relationship with another woman for near-abouts a whole decade, which means she’s been been giving me the feel-good stories (including her very own) all that time with the same lips she uses to kiss another woman.
THIS IS AN AFFRONT. I didn’t mind it so much before when it was just Tom Cruise and that Sweatin’ to the Oldies feller, but now all the awesome people are turning gay in front of my very eyes. Now when the rapture comes I don’t even know what I’m gonna do: Go up to heaven with Kirk Cameron and Lou Gossett, or stay on Earth with all the cool people.