Here's What You're Missing At Coachella This Weekend, Including The Weeknd

By Mieka Strawhorn | Miscellaneous | April 14, 2018 |

By Mieka Strawhorn | Miscellaneous | April 14, 2018 |

Too old, poor, ugly, and out of touch to make it to Coachella this weekend? Well, good news! Here’s a rundown of what you’re missing, plus a few suggestions for alleviating your Coachella-induced FOMO by bringing the festival home to you!

Personally, on a scale from Grampa Simpson to Jaden Smith, I’m at about a Blanche Devereaux. That means, I’m old enough to live in Florida with Bea Arthur, but I still make an effort. So I know what Coachella IS, I’ve just never ever once considered going and I only recognize the name of the headliners (party because the print is too small for me to read without my cheaters).

The festival started yesterday, so if you’re a big fan of The Weeknd, better go sit in a corner and think about your life choices, because you’ve already missed his set. You’re in better shape to miss Beyoncé who performs tonight. Bey is arguably the most anticipated act of the year, with many people speculating she will probably drop some new music. You may remember that Beyoncé was scheduled to headline last year, but had to drop out because she came down with a severe case of the twins. So, plan on missing Beyoncé’s big post-baby comeback tonight!

TODAY: Beyoncé will be taking the stage to headline #Coachella 🐝 pic.twitter.com/7BKjInGv7Q

— Coachella 2018 🏝 (@Coachella_18) April 14, 2018

She ready.

Tomorrow’s headliner is Eminem, so you haven’t missed his set yet, but you will. It doesn’t really matter though. Coachella’s not really about the music, it’s about being seen. And you can still be seen, just not at Coachella.

Just because you have neither time nor inclination to travel to the desert to attend Burning Man Jr., you can still create a Coachella event right here at home. Simply choose an outdoor location with limited bathroom facilities and consider the following:

Bring sun protection. That should include sunglasses, bandanas, hats, sunscreen etc.

Not sure what to wear, consider a comfortable body suit.

Don’t forget your fanny pack!

Capes are in this year! Don’t let anybody tell you differently.

A DIY Coachella experience at home can be just as fun as the real thing. No matter where you live, grab some glitter and a pair of short-shorts this weekend and I guarantee, you’ll hardly know you missed a thing!