Michael Bay, Hollywood hajillioaire and peddler of the schlocky, ‘splodey boom genre, was assaulted in Hong Kong on the set of Transformers 4. No it wasn’t someone defending Megan Fox’s honor. Nor was it someone shouting “A FOURTH ONE?! YOU’RE MAKING A FOURTH ONE?! WHYYYY” It was two men who walked right on set and asked Bay for $13,000. An oddly specific and unrealistic amount to expect from a walk-by stick up.

One of the fellas then socked Michael Bay in the face. Yaaaay! I mean. No. No that’s really too bad. He’s fine. His face is fine. He didn’t even go to the hospital. And we do not encourage violence against people we don’t like. That’s what our words are for. So cheer up, Michael Bay, and get better you second-rate pusher of robotic opiates chock full of uninspired characters, unimaginative narratives and brain blisteringly dull special-effects meant to stupefy* and corrode the masses. I hope you aren’t too bruised.

*in the stupid sense.

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