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An Incredulous Masshole Responds to Tom Brady's Suspension

By Lord Castleton | Miscellaneous | September 12, 2016 |

By Lord Castleton | Miscellaneous | September 12, 2016 |

Usually, this is the time that we take a break from the wonderful train wreck that is American Football, but some things happened this week that kind of brought the game back into the spotlight. Tom Brady has been suspended for the first four games of the 2016 season for conduct that is detrimental to the integrity of the game. Cheating, basically. Tom Brady, the Super Bowl champion and MVP, the perennial all-pro and the greatest player in Patriots history has been suspended for cheating. He’s in the conversation as one of the greatest players of all time, and certainly the greatest of his era, has been suspended for cheating. In addition, the New England Patriots organization, though having been found to have had no knowledge of the deflation of balls, has been fined a million dollars and has had their 2016 first round draft pick and their 2017 fourth round draft pick taken away.


Ah you fahkin kiddin me? Aaron frickin Rodgers was on TV a few weeks ago sayin he has his guys overinflate balls intentionally. When’s his fahkin suspension comin’? When ah you takin Green Bay’s first roundah? Tommy admitted to tellin them two asshats in the lockah room to inflate the balls to the lowest level allowed, not tuh break any fahkin rules! We got no problem with them assholes gettin fired. But you leave Tommy the fahk alone! So if Tommy sends one a them assholes into Dunkies fah him and says “get me a fahkin coffee” and one a them dickweeds steals it, it’s fahkin Tommy’s fault? Goodell you fahkin piece a shit! You just hate that we been on top so long. I bet you guys were so fahkin shocked when imbecile Ted Wells found that Belichick knew nothin about any a this! That musta broken yoah fahkin tiny black haht! Youah all a bunch a retahds ovah theyah. The fahkin Falcons been pumpin in fake crowd noise during opponent’s drives fah TWO FAHKIN YEAHS and you fined them three fifty and a five. AH YOU FAHKIN SHITTIN ME? Go ahead. Fahk us ovah again like you did with Spygate even though everyone else was also doin it and the videotaping we got fahked foah is still FAHKIN LEGAL as long as it ain’t from one specific spot on the sideline. Fohget alla that. You take every fahkin draft pick you want. You give Tommy a few weeks off so he comes in fresh. You just kickstahed the Jimmy Garrapolo era yah fakhin assclown! ITALIAN ICE TIME YOU MOTHAHFAHKAHS! Go ahead and give the fahkin Fins and Jets and the goddamn Rex Ryan Billies as much of a head staht as you want. Tommy’s gonna come back and shove this season up all a youah asses! If theah was any single way foah me to boycott the NFL without hurtin my Pats I’d do it in a FAHKIN HAHTBEAT. Oh and Goodell? Way to piss off Bobby Kraft, yoah lahst defendah in the owniz box. Bettah get that resume ready yah fahkin donkey. FAHK THE NFL! FAHK ALL YOU HATERS! FAHK EVERY MAN WOMAN AND CHILD THAT THINKS TOM BRADY WOULD EVAH BREAK A RULE TO WIN. THAT REPOHT SAID JACK FAHKIN SHIT ABOUT BRADY DOING ANYTHING BUT ALL A YOU MORONS WANNA SOMEHOW CONNECT THE DOTS AND DECIDE HE’S GUILTY. WELL FAHK YOU! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF CLUELESS FAHKIN SHEEP. THERE ISN’T A SINGLE ONE A YOU FAHKIN HYPOCRITES THAT WOULDN’T TRADE FOR TOM BRADY AND HIS PASSION FOR THE GAME IN ONE SECOND! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH A LYIN, JEALOUS DIRTBAGS AND COME OCTOBER 18TH TOMMY IS GONNA MAKE YOU TASTE HIS ASS AND ALL OUR ASSES. FAHKIN A! GO PATS!

And now, my personal response:

It’s important as a parent to take the long view. We certainly can’t condone cheating in any form lest our children get the wrong message. That being said, if we’re damning someone to a lifetime of questioned integrity over the civil law definition of “more probable than not” we should be very careful about tarnishing someone that way. Tom Brady being probably generally aware is a murky place and…

Who am I kidding? The angry masshole response is my response too. Bring it!