The other night, I was out to dinner with the family at a place frequented by Apple and other tech company employees; I’m basically in the middle of Hipster Valley and frankly, it bugs me. So there we are, eating our hipster burgers and fries, and the mister points out some doofus wearing Google Glass. Not Google Glasses, mind you, because that name would not be douchey enough. Listen, I’m married to a computer nerd, and even he is embarrassed for these wankers. I’m pretty sure not even the Dowager Countess of Grantham could look more pretentious than that restaurant dorkazoid wearing his Google Glass.
On the one hand I’m happy for Google that they became such a successful company, but money and power and whatever that thing is that motivates people to the nth degree has them invading NASA hangars and giant barges, and it makes me fear we’ll soon be subjected to Google-World theme parks or that some Googletology guru will tempt away Tom Cruise and John Travolta with the ability to enhance every aspect of our lives.
Today (in Mountain View, CA), the company quickly sold out of the white — aka “Cotton” — $1,500.00 Google Glass model, to be worn by “Explorers.” Google Glass allows Explorers hands-free access many smartphone features like a camera, internet access, touchpad, voice-commands, and a display. Presumably, the rest of us “People” will have to settle for our smartphones and those cheap-ass $20.00 frames we score at Zenni Optical. And unfortunately for us, when we fly Virgin Atlantic, our plastic pieces of crap won’t allow our airplane concierge direct access to give us the personalized aircraft services we so desperately need; that’s right, we’re fucked. After Google sold an undisclosed number of Google Glass units today (or whatever the hipster equivalent of “unit” is), they decided to end the one day sale; I’m guessing the next batch of blue…er, “Ocean” will show up in a couple of months at $2000.00 per hipster unit.
Go ahead, help me pinpoint why this all makes me so angry, because I honestly have no idea. All I know is I shall be awaiting the day someone walks into a Google Glass Explorer’s Emporium and plays out this magical scene: